Arnel Pineda

You amaze me.
Philip Nolasco is your mini-me!

Folie A Deux: Fall Out Boy

Totally disappointing.
It's not bad, I just don't like their change in style.
From Under the Cork Tree was amazing, I loved that pure rock essense. And they had the best one-liners.
Then Infinity on High was pretty great, but again, it was a different style.

Folie A Deux is okaaaay. Some really good songs, but they're no longer in my highest praises. It's so... pop-ish. The lyrics are still good though, just not fantastic. Oh, and I hate the staccato singing! It's like "You. Can. Bow. And. Pretend...". The songs where Patrick sings all low is so.. ugh. I did notice that his voice dramatically improved since Take This To Your Grave; it's waaaay more stable. But now he's trying all these jazzy techniques and now it's not the Patrick voice I love. Dearest Mr. Andy Hurley's drumming is still amazing though.

I like Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes; What a Catch, Donnie; Coffee's For Closers; 20 Dollar Nosebleed.
Coffee's For Closers is the song closest to their old style so naturally, I love it. Patrick sang in his high range for this song, so I love it even more. And the violin ending is different, but cute.
Oh, 20 Dollar Nosebleed actually made me laugh at the beginning. It's just sooo different! So indie. It's such an adorable song.
Oh well, overall, I would say this album is a 7. Unless compared to From Under the Cork Tree, cause then it would be a 1. I still love you Fall Out Boy :)

I'll be your best kept secret, and your biggest mistake.

Why does everyone

seem to hate me?
GOD.
How many times do I have to say I HATE MY LIFE?!?!

Yet another miserable birthday.

Welcome to my life. I need a best friend. Like a REAL best friend. All that have been close to me do not bother trying to stay that way. Those that I thought knew at least the MONTH of my birthday (because I've been close to them since elementary) believe me when I say that my birthday's in February. Woopdeedoo, I've held my tongue all day, trying not to cuss. I just want ONE person to be there for me, to just REMEMBER my God forsaken birthday.

HONESTLY, I don't even know why I care all of a sudden who cares about me. Since when did I depend on people to make me happy to keep me sane? I've had to take care of myself alone since I was six right? Alone in that big, empty house every night until my dad comes home at 11 or midnight? Nobody has ever taken care of me but my dad. And he's never even around. When I'm sick in my bed from asthma and a family member tries to help, I shut them out because I don't need anyone to rely on. I try and try not to set myself up for disappointment - to not get too close to anyone because I know someday they'll leave me. Like my mother did.

But I WANT somebody to care. If John can't be around me as much as I'd like, I'm absolutely fine with that, cause I can go talk to my best friend. But now that I think about it... What best friend? I don't think I'll ever have a best friend. A REEEEEEALLLL best friend... One that cares about me and who won't ditch me like all my former so-called best friends have.

Gosh, I sound so selfish right now. I need someone to talk to.

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza .

I am in love with "The Prayer" even more. I remember I first fell in love with that song four years ago, when the version with Josh Groban and Charlotte Church came out. Now, I don't really care since I've heard a bunch of Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli versions (with different female guests). I swear, I cry when I get into it. I don't even know why I'm posting a blog about this.
Dong and I planned a month ago or so that we'd record covers. HEY DONGADONG, IF YOU'RE READING THISSSSS, LET'S RECORD "THE PRAYER"! :D
Haha, okie dokie artichokie. I have five sections of Beeken notes due on my birthday, and tomorrow I have to bake for class council and make a few calls for the food fair.
Woohoo, I'm swimming in a pool of ticking clocks. Talk about pressure :3

OOOOH, YOU KNOW WHAT GOT ME SOOOO UPSET TODAY?!?! I said a few weeks ago that I plan to get AT LEAST one 100% on Maroun's tests cause I'm always, always, ALWAYS so close and then, we got our latest tests back and you know what I got?!?! 83 OUT OF 85. DANG FLABBITTTTT.

As you may have the capability to tell, I'm not at all depressed about my Lola's death. I just remember that at this exact moment, she's with my Lola Pio, probably smiling down on me. I love you Lola! :)

RIP Lola Ching, 5:58 am

I love you. I can't imagine how life is going to be without you. I'm pretty sure the last thing I said to you while you were living was "Bye, Lola" when I was leaving Auntie Melody's house after watching Kung Fu Panda last Sunday. When I visited you yesterday afternoon, I had the highest hopes that you'd be okay. Now I know that you really are okay, because you're in a better place. My dad got a text from Uncle Boboy this morning at 8:38 and when he told me, I jumped up and told my dad to hurry to the hospital. I walked into the hospital room, 323(a), and saw Auntie Melody, Ate Rona, Auntie Gypsy and Nana Sacing. I had already been crying before I left the house, but when I walked in and saw everyone crowded around you, I started wailing. We love you, Lola. I am so very happy that you're with Lolo Pio now, and your mother and father. Auntie Melody told me that when you were in the hospital, you were raising your arms up to the ceiling and trying to reach something. Auntie Melody said, "What's up there?" and Auntie Gypsy said, "Papa". Lola, I miss you so much. I never thought you would die from a stroke now, three days before my birthday. You know, I realized that I never knew anything about you. I didn't know your favorite color or what you thought about my haircut, or any of those silly things. I'll always remember how warm your face felt when I touched you, and how minutes later, your body cooled. I'll never forget your face while you were lying literally lifeless in that hospital bed - with your mouth slightly open. You were wearing fake teeth, for once, and we were all laughing about it. I was thinking "It looks like she's smiling", and I felt so relieved that you were at peace. Are you happy in heaven? I wish I knew. I'll see you someday. Be sure to tell me everything :)

I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me.

I visited my grandma in the hospital. She got moved out of ICU (Intensive Care Unit) so I'm so glad. When I went up to her room alone, I brought red carnations with me and a get well soon card. My Nana Sacing was up there too, and when I walked in, Lola Ching was sleeping. I couldn't help but feel so overwhelmed with guilt for not coming to see her sooner. I wish I could've stayed longer, had my dad not been waiting in the lobby for his turn to go up (2 people in the room at a time). So yeah... She's going to be alright, I know it. When I saw her in the bed with those beeping IV machine thingies (or whatever you call them), she felt so fragile and I didn't want to do anything to wake her up. I just wanted to hug her and tell her I love her. Lola, please be okay.


On another note, a little piece of advice.
If I mean something to you, then say so.

So...

yesterday morning, my grandma fell down the stairs. She's in intensive care right now. I feel so bad because I haven't visited her in the hospital yet. I've prayed and prayed for her to be alright, and I hope she will be. She's almost 90. My grandma had been suffering from this terrible depression ever since my grandpa died about 8 years ago. I remember that he was in the hospital too, when he died and that I cried like a maniac during the funeral. I'm not going to let my grandma die. I love her to death. I've taken care of her for a long time once she got dimensia and couldn't talk. She wrestled with me, threw shoes at me, shouted at me, tackled me, done terrible things to me because she always refused to take her medicine, but that's what dimensia and depression does to you. I wonder if I won't be able to talk when I'm older too. All my grandma has said for the past 5 years was "Lalala" and the only actions she can do to indicate something is point. That's all it takes for me to love her. I don't care if she's not my grandmother by blood, I still love her. Lola Ching, Lola Ching... Please be okay.

Last night, something else hit me. I promised I wouldn't tell, and I won't. I just want to recognize something - I may be sensitive and cry to almost every little aspect of my life, but I'm stronger of a person than you are. I know you'll read this at some point, so don't act as if nothing happened. Stop running from your problems and realize that I am ALWAYS right next to you to talk to. Even though I don't like what you're doing, understand that I'm only thinking for what's best. You're stronger than this.

I apologize for not making any sense or for sounding very messy with my sentences right now. I haven't felt so distraught in about a month. Just when I feel like my life is going right, it just has to make a sharp U-turn and turn my life around.

Dear you,

I have had just about the most normal, and least exciting week ever.
Nothing to say.
Nothing to do.
I'm not really in the mood to think about things.
I haven't even meditated or practiced reiki in a longggg time.
I bet my candles are dusty too.
Buy me more reiki books for my birthday or Christmas, por favor.
I'm in such a whatever mood.
Ciaoooo.