Yet another miserable birthday.

Welcome to my life. I need a best friend. Like a REAL best friend. All that have been close to me do not bother trying to stay that way. Those that I thought knew at least the MONTH of my birthday (because I've been close to them since elementary) believe me when I say that my birthday's in February. Woopdeedoo, I've held my tongue all day, trying not to cuss. I just want ONE person to be there for me, to just REMEMBER my God forsaken birthday.

HONESTLY, I don't even know why I care all of a sudden who cares about me. Since when did I depend on people to make me happy to keep me sane? I've had to take care of myself alone since I was six right? Alone in that big, empty house every night until my dad comes home at 11 or midnight? Nobody has ever taken care of me but my dad. And he's never even around. When I'm sick in my bed from asthma and a family member tries to help, I shut them out because I don't need anyone to rely on. I try and try not to set myself up for disappointment - to not get too close to anyone because I know someday they'll leave me. Like my mother did.

But I WANT somebody to care. If John can't be around me as much as I'd like, I'm absolutely fine with that, cause I can go talk to my best friend. But now that I think about it... What best friend? I don't think I'll ever have a best friend. A REEEEEEALLLL best friend... One that cares about me and who won't ditch me like all my former so-called best friends have.

Gosh, I sound so selfish right now. I need someone to talk to.