So...

yesterday morning, my grandma fell down the stairs. She's in intensive care right now. I feel so bad because I haven't visited her in the hospital yet. I've prayed and prayed for her to be alright, and I hope she will be. She's almost 90. My grandma had been suffering from this terrible depression ever since my grandpa died about 8 years ago. I remember that he was in the hospital too, when he died and that I cried like a maniac during the funeral. I'm not going to let my grandma die. I love her to death. I've taken care of her for a long time once she got dimensia and couldn't talk. She wrestled with me, threw shoes at me, shouted at me, tackled me, done terrible things to me because she always refused to take her medicine, but that's what dimensia and depression does to you. I wonder if I won't be able to talk when I'm older too. All my grandma has said for the past 5 years was "Lalala" and the only actions she can do to indicate something is point. That's all it takes for me to love her. I don't care if she's not my grandmother by blood, I still love her. Lola Ching, Lola Ching... Please be okay.

Last night, something else hit me. I promised I wouldn't tell, and I won't. I just want to recognize something - I may be sensitive and cry to almost every little aspect of my life, but I'm stronger of a person than you are. I know you'll read this at some point, so don't act as if nothing happened. Stop running from your problems and realize that I am ALWAYS right next to you to talk to. Even though I don't like what you're doing, understand that I'm only thinking for what's best. You're stronger than this.

I apologize for not making any sense or for sounding very messy with my sentences right now. I haven't felt so distraught in about a month. Just when I feel like my life is going right, it just has to make a sharp U-turn and turn my life around.