I am so freaking IRRITATED. Goshhhhhhhh, some people are just so ANNOYING. LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE. AAAAAHHHHHH I log on and my AIM is like ALKJFLSDKFJADFLKDSJASDLFJGDSK. JEEZZZZ. Although I did get ONE instant message that I'm quite anxious to find out what it's about. Hmmm...
I've been looking at my archive on listography.com/dianayoudork and I realized that I haven't been doing CRAP this month. I'm such a lazy bimbo. Ugh. I've been feeling so unhappy with myself lately.
Jeez, annoying people. Okay, so I started reading Eclipse yesterday because I realize I've borrowed it from Tita Ivy on Tuesday and haven't had time to read until then. So since I had no school and my dad demanded I stay in my room and rested all day, I read and read and read. And this morning I couldn't sleep after all of the rest I've had Friday, so I read again. It was 4 am when I woke up. I got up, took my millions of medications, ate, brushed my teeth, and went back to bed. But I couldn't go back to sleep. By this time it was already 6 am and I decided to finish reading. I was already on page 500 something (I read almostttt all day Friday). And so I read the last 100 pages or so as the sun started rising. Finished at almost 8 and thaaat's when I felt sleepy and went back to sleep. Then I woke up all groggy and cranky.
I want a guy who's like Edward Cullen and Jacob Black at the same time. Maybe more like Jake, though. (:
Sigh. So here I am... waiting for my dad to wake up so I can go to school and get my books out of my locker. I have so much homework to do. Ugh. The last day of January... This seemed like a really long month. Or maybe it's just that so many things have happened. Too many people walking in and out of my life in one month. It felt like forever since I last saw my cousin and my nephews, since I last heard him call me his beautiful princess, since my Auntie Vanity and I had bonding time playing maj jong and baking. But all that has only happened this month.
I feel like my life isn't coming out right - like there's just so many things that I'm MEANT to do but don't have the will to start working on. It's times like these when I don't even know if I still believe in destiny. I used to think God laid out different paths in our lives and we got to choose which forks to take, trying to compromise the two ways of looking at life (God laying every little thing out, or you choosing everything your way). So what if it can't be both, and life is really based on one of those two? Oh, I don't know. I'm too much into compromising to ever think it's one or the other. What, really, is destiny though? Are you meant to say every single word that comes out of your mouth? Does EVERY little action you do affect your life? Like choosing the Arrowhead water bottle over the Dasani one? Does every action you do matter when fulfilling your destiny? Or only the big actions? If so, what IS considered a big action? You can say that drinking the Arrowhead bottle over the Dasani one is not that big, but what if it turns out the Arrowhead water has just been recently contaminated and you die after drinking a sip? What are the odds? Does it even MATTER? WHAT IS DESTINY? I used to believe everything happens for a reason, and I still do believe it, but I had my own little compromised version of the philosophy, that each and every thing that happens in your life shapes who you are, but you are somehow able to control it. I don't understand why I had to compromise every contrasting pair of philosophies, but I do, and now I just DON'T KNOW. Maybe we all get to choose our fates and things only matter in our lives when we BELIEVE it matters. OR MAYBE, God lays out a little road - only one - and we live our lives thinking we can change our destiny, but we always end up taking the little road without knowing it because that's just our destiny. Then again, my original philosophy comes to mind that God has this big map set out for each of us, with a different starting place, and the same destination to heaven. That God lets us choose what to do to get to that place, so long as we remain moral. That EVERY single action we take represents a step on the journey of the map, but we have the ability to move the opposite direction if we wanted. Oh, I don't know. I wish I knew these things... but maybe there's really no such thing as a right answer. Maybe we just live. We just... live. We do. We act. We take life as it comes. Sometimes I wish I knew the REAL answers to life's biggest questions, but all along I've told myself that we all have our own opinions on the answers to those huge question marks above our heads and how we answer those questions, how we respond to "What is love? Destiny? Happiness?", how we see things - THAT's who we are. Maybe I'll keep on believing that. We are who we are, and we are who we choose to be. I live in my own little world of compromise and contrast, because that's WHO I am. I am calm but hyper, respectful but outspoken, optimistic but never fully happy, loving and yet always irritated with something, understanding but hypocritical. I'm smart but nonsensical, weak but courageous, bold but sweet, comfortable with myself but always expecting more, angry with the world but a little ray of sunshine, mean to people but loving to trees, etc etc. And I've always been happy with that. Maybe the RIGHT answers in life are what we CHOOSE to see as right. I don't know why I'm crying. Stupid crybaby. I guess you can say I kind of wish that there really WAS a right and wrong answer to everything, that not everything had to be a mystery and everything could be said and done just because it's RIGHT. I sometimes wish that life didn't have to be so hard, that we don't have to choose who we want to be. It's not that I want REGULATIONS, but guidelines to know what's right and what's wrong, like how the right way to play a piano is with your elbows up and wrists straight, and how the right way to eat is to chew with your teeth and swallow. Oh... I'm so confused. How do philosophers do it? I would die contemplating life this much. Haha.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Skepticism.
So the Pasadena Pageant, eh? I think it's a complete scam now. Or if it weren't, it just wouldn't be a good pageant, a proper pageant. I was researching on information about the company itself (Nationals, Incorporated) and this Anna Klejnowski. None of this seemed to make sense. I googled the address of the business, which is 1951 Shenango Valley Freeway, Suite 2 South. Hermitage, PA. It all seemed too fishy. No talent portion... no swimsuit portion... As I was google-ing all these things about the pageant, I read blogs saying stuff like it's a scam (from personal experience), this Anna Klejnowski person doesn't exist, it's all about money, etc etc. And it all started to make sense.
On Yahoo answers, I found, "our daughter entered and was thoroughly heart broken. She was promised cash, prizes, college scholarships and a wonderful trip to the finals if she won. The entire pageant was about MONEY. Who spent the most on their gown, who had the most sponsors, etc. The program didn't even have the list of sponsors next to her name like advertised. All she got for her efforts was a gift certificate for their particular modeling school. This was supposed to boost her self confidence and all it did was ruin it!"
And on some blog, I read, "Unfortunately, my niece entered the cleveland pageant and what a horrible experience. At 14, it was a real challenge coming up with the $495, then the dress, etc. She was so excited. The interview was suppose to be 5 minutes, she got less than 2. Some woman had a stop watch and messed up her time. We were told each contestant got some free tickets, but then were told we had to buy them for $20 each. She was there from 9:30 a.m. until 6:30 p.m.
When the pageant started, we sat right behind the judges. ALL of whom had NO experience in pageant judging. The coordinator kept going around explaining to them how to judge the girls. During the pageant, at least 4 of them left the auditorium during the pageant for periods of 5 to 20 minutes at a time. How can they judge the girls who were performing or answering questions if they werent even there?
There were 4 girls left to go in the MISS Teen q&a session when the judges passed their score cards to the girl handling the computer. How could u rate the last 4?
They picked top 10 in each division. What a joke. All the girls were onstage for the walk and q&a. So they knew who did good and who didnt. In the Jr. Teen top 10, 3 girls advanced that were horrile in there walk and 2 barely answered their question. Miss Photogenic Miss Teen was a joke. This girl submitted a professional photo, one taken of her 4 months ago. The photo didnt even resemble the girl on stage at the pageant. Parents questioned it, but no answers.
Miss congeniality was a real joke.
The girls were asked to pick one person, they didnt know each other at all, none had numbers on to pick from. They asked a few people what their numbers were and everyone picked that number? What is that about?
If u look at the brochure for the pageant, the girls who had the large number of sponsors ended up in the top 10. 2 of the pageant contestants were sponsored by two of the judges businesses they own?
Where was Anna? She never showed up. Thank god my niece is old enough that she didnt take it very hard although she did realize this was a joke. But some poor girls were crying their eyes out when we left.
Anna, dont go around telling young ladies this isnt a J Renee Ramsey pageant, its all about self esteem, self confidence, etc. If you were there to see what this pageant did to some of these girls, u wouldnt have the nerve to keep preaching that stuff.
These girls deserve their money back. All they got was a cheap piece of paper for their weeks of effort. Shame on you."
Heck. No. I am notttt joining this. I refuse to stress over money and sponsorships for something that is only about the money. If I were to join a pageant, I want to have entered MYSELF in it, because I still don't know who "referred" me. What kind of pageants send out letters of "referral" for advertisement? Scamscamscam. I will not be a part of something so lame.
On Yahoo answers, I found, "our daughter entered and was thoroughly heart broken. She was promised cash, prizes, college scholarships and a wonderful trip to the finals if she won. The entire pageant was about MONEY. Who spent the most on their gown, who had the most sponsors, etc. The program didn't even have the list of sponsors next to her name like advertised. All she got for her efforts was a gift certificate for their particular modeling school. This was supposed to boost her self confidence and all it did was ruin it!"
And on some blog, I read, "Unfortunately, my niece entered the cleveland pageant and what a horrible experience. At 14, it was a real challenge coming up with the $495, then the dress, etc. She was so excited. The interview was suppose to be 5 minutes, she got less than 2. Some woman had a stop watch and messed up her time. We were told each contestant got some free tickets, but then were told we had to buy them for $20 each. She was there from 9:30 a.m. until 6:30 p.m.
When the pageant started, we sat right behind the judges. ALL of whom had NO experience in pageant judging. The coordinator kept going around explaining to them how to judge the girls. During the pageant, at least 4 of them left the auditorium during the pageant for periods of 5 to 20 minutes at a time. How can they judge the girls who were performing or answering questions if they werent even there?
There were 4 girls left to go in the MISS Teen q&a session when the judges passed their score cards to the girl handling the computer. How could u rate the last 4?
They picked top 10 in each division. What a joke. All the girls were onstage for the walk and q&a. So they knew who did good and who didnt. In the Jr. Teen top 10, 3 girls advanced that were horrile in there walk and 2 barely answered their question. Miss Photogenic Miss Teen was a joke. This girl submitted a professional photo, one taken of her 4 months ago. The photo didnt even resemble the girl on stage at the pageant. Parents questioned it, but no answers.
Miss congeniality was a real joke.
The girls were asked to pick one person, they didnt know each other at all, none had numbers on to pick from. They asked a few people what their numbers were and everyone picked that number? What is that about?
If u look at the brochure for the pageant, the girls who had the large number of sponsors ended up in the top 10. 2 of the pageant contestants were sponsored by two of the judges businesses they own?
Where was Anna? She never showed up. Thank god my niece is old enough that she didnt take it very hard although she did realize this was a joke. But some poor girls were crying their eyes out when we left.
Anna, dont go around telling young ladies this isnt a J Renee Ramsey pageant, its all about self esteem, self confidence, etc. If you were there to see what this pageant did to some of these girls, u wouldnt have the nerve to keep preaching that stuff.
These girls deserve their money back. All they got was a cheap piece of paper for their weeks of effort. Shame on you."
Heck. No. I am notttt joining this. I refuse to stress over money and sponsorships for something that is only about the money. If I were to join a pageant, I want to have entered MYSELF in it, because I still don't know who "referred" me. What kind of pageants send out letters of "referral" for advertisement? Scamscamscam. I will not be a part of something so lame.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
"Hey kid you'll never live this down"
I haven't been on since Monday, and just so you know... I got a call yesterday.
From Nationals.
As in, Pasadena Pageant.
And they said...
Congratulations for being chosen.
I am overjoyed. I really am. I was actually in the middle of my class council evaluation with Missss President Stephanie Liu when they called, and she was the first witness of me jumping up and down and up and down. Haha. I'm ecstatic. My training session is on February 08, and I need to have half of my sponsorship money by then, which is $247.50. I don't know when I need the other half, but I'm going to try and raise as much as I can.
If anybody can donate a dollar to my little needy fundraiser, I'd be so grateful. I figured out that with the money I'll make from babysitting in the next two weeks, and the money my dad will give me (50), aaand if I get a dollar from each person I know, I'll have enough. But I still need to fundraise for the other half. AAAnd I still need to make money to get a formal dress and the clothes I'm going to wear for the casual portion. Sigh... so much money. But the experience is definitely worth it.
Less than half of the girls that interviewed made it... which makes about 250 - 300 that did. And I, DIANA PARAISO, was one of them. Woot woot.
The thing is... I'm not half as good-looking as those other girls that gone in, and frankly, I'm really worried I'll be totally crushed once I see how beautiful the other girls are. I got past the interview, and I'm definitely good at first impressions and interview questions. But the actual BEAUTY portion is meeeehhhhh!!! I don't have a chance, but like I said, the experience of meeting new friends and gaining confidence will be worth it.
From Nationals.
As in, Pasadena Pageant.
And they said...
Congratulations for being chosen.
I am overjoyed. I really am. I was actually in the middle of my class council evaluation with Missss President Stephanie Liu when they called, and she was the first witness of me jumping up and down and up and down. Haha. I'm ecstatic. My training session is on February 08, and I need to have half of my sponsorship money by then, which is $247.50. I don't know when I need the other half, but I'm going to try and raise as much as I can.
If anybody can donate a dollar to my little needy fundraiser, I'd be so grateful. I figured out that with the money I'll make from babysitting in the next two weeks, and the money my dad will give me (50), aaand if I get a dollar from each person I know, I'll have enough. But I still need to fundraise for the other half. AAAnd I still need to make money to get a formal dress and the clothes I'm going to wear for the casual portion. Sigh... so much money. But the experience is definitely worth it.
Less than half of the girls that interviewed made it... which makes about 250 - 300 that did. And I, DIANA PARAISO, was one of them. Woot woot.
The thing is... I'm not half as good-looking as those other girls that gone in, and frankly, I'm really worried I'll be totally crushed once I see how beautiful the other girls are. I got past the interview, and I'm definitely good at first impressions and interview questions. But the actual BEAUTY portion is meeeehhhhh!!! I don't have a chance, but like I said, the experience of meeting new friends and gaining confidence will be worth it.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Am I more than you bargained for yet?
Ahhh, yesterday. So I woke up at 1 pm because my dad told me the night before to get lots of beauty sleep. I drank like, a tonnnn of water on Saturday in hopes that my skin would turn out nicer the next day. Surprisingly, it did. Haha, so I got ready and went to my aunt's house at about 4 to go. Turns out that we had to drop off the DVD first at the video store at Hong Kong Plaza, which is totally the opposite direction of the 10 freeway. And then when we got to the 10, there was traffic, and so we had to take the side street to the 210. And on the 210, my aunt was driving like crazy because it said in the letter to arrive 15 - 20 minutes before the session, and it was already 4:40 (starts at 5). Luckily, when we got to the Hilton, others were just arriving too and there was this huge line to the room we had to go to. OH AND I SAW RENEE! Apparently her sister and her sister's friend is in it. Hahaha. Okay, so then it started and the groups of girls were divided to be called into the interview room and that's when I started getting nervous. While in line to be interviewed, I started talking to this girl next to me, Marley. She's from Sylmar, which I'm sure is pretty far from Pasadena. We talked for the rest of the session and I felt so sad because she doesn't have a Myspace or AIM or anything besides her E-mail and phone. Haha, see this is why I hate making friends - you may never see them again. Ugh, so besides thaaaat, the interview itself went pretty well. Before we got called, the coordinator, Andrea Preuss (I think it's her), who was Mrs. USA 2003, told us that the first impression matters a whole bunch during the interview. So I walked into that interview room with confidence, smiled, made eye contact with my interviewer, and knocked her socks out. HAHAHA, okay I'm not sure about that last part, but I personally think I did pretty well, compared to past interviews I've had. We find out this Wednesday if we get in or not. Oh gosh, I'm nervous. Andrea said that less than half of the girls in the room that interviewed will make it, and that statistics aren't in our favor. I don't care. I don't hope I'll get, I KNOW I'll get in. Positive outlook. Haha, but then I'm just setting myself up for failure.
Ugh, sooo after that, my two aunts and cousin and I went to this Afghani restaurant nearby, called Azeen. I've never been there and I was a little scared of trying the food because it sounded so... exotic, but I was feeling adventurous and went through with it. Haha, the food there was amazingggg. The particular dish I chose, smarooq challow, was good, but when I tried my aunt's beef kabob thing, it was DELICIOUS. I swear, really, I'm not lying. I REPEAT, I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I have been to many restaurants and tried so many different steaks and beef dishes, but thissss was HOLYMOLYSOGOOD. Medium rare and served with Afghani rice, gosh, that was good. Oh, and I tried this lamb dish too that my other aunt got and that was pretty good too. I've never tasted lamb before, but again, I was feeling adventurous. At least they didn't serve those super exotic delicacies, like llama eye's or something. HAHA, but I'm sure that would have been good too if I bought it from a gourmet restaurant for $30 an eye. LOLLL, I enjoy trying different foods. It always turns out surprisingly well.
Oh, and so when we were driving home, we passed by a restaurant called El Cholo, and oh goodness, that was funny. And then my Auntie Gypsy called Auntie Melody to ask where we ate, but Auntie Gypsy isn't adventurous like us when it comes to food, so we had to lie to her and tell her we ate Thai food instead. Hahahaha. Then I went home.
Ugh, sooo after that, my two aunts and cousin and I went to this Afghani restaurant nearby, called Azeen. I've never been there and I was a little scared of trying the food because it sounded so... exotic, but I was feeling adventurous and went through with it. Haha, the food there was amazingggg. The particular dish I chose, smarooq challow, was good, but when I tried my aunt's beef kabob thing, it was DELICIOUS. I swear, really, I'm not lying. I REPEAT, I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. I have been to many restaurants and tried so many different steaks and beef dishes, but thissss was HOLYMOLYSOGOOD. Medium rare and served with Afghani rice, gosh, that was good. Oh, and I tried this lamb dish too that my other aunt got and that was pretty good too. I've never tasted lamb before, but again, I was feeling adventurous. At least they didn't serve those super exotic delicacies, like llama eye's or something. HAHA, but I'm sure that would have been good too if I bought it from a gourmet restaurant for $30 an eye. LOLLL, I enjoy trying different foods. It always turns out surprisingly well.
Oh, and so when we were driving home, we passed by a restaurant called El Cholo, and oh goodness, that was funny. And then my Auntie Gypsy called Auntie Melody to ask where we ate, but Auntie Gypsy isn't adventurous like us when it comes to food, so we had to lie to her and tell her we ate Thai food instead. Hahahaha. Then I went home.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Collide - Howie Day
Wanna-be cover.
The ASB spot! Because we had nothing better to do after the fashion show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72aBchvi57Q
The ASB spot! Because we had nothing better to do after the fashion show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72aBchvi57Q
Cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light
Yesterday was never ending. I swear, I was so sick in the morning and completely out of it. Thennn, after school Alfredo and I went to his place and had our little photo shoot. Goodness, when we reviewed the pictures, I felt soooo UGLY. I was like, OH MY GOSH... I'M THAAAAT UN-PHOTOGENIC? I mean, I understand I'm not Kiera Knightley or some other beautiful celebrity, but GOSH DANG, some of the pictures were... ew. Well anyway, we did manage to take about 20 pictures I like, and here they are (most of them, at least).
Um, so then I went home. And then I babysat. And then I went to the LEO's fashion show. Woot woot! Hahaha, I felt so sickkkk. And yet I was screaming like crazyyyy. Fun fun fun. Viet is a good dancer o_o; Hm, so then Hannah and I hung out for like fifteen minutes afterwards with various people and then she left. And DingDong and I were there with Renee and Timothy. And then I stole Jimmy's scooter and DingDong and I went to the ASB rock and made some really lame wanna-be cover of Collide. Haha. And then my dad wasn't calling, so we went to Krua Thai. But then my dad DID call at around 11:30, and we took the fried tofu to go and DingDong drove me home in like four minutes. And I got in trouble. And there. Good day, good day.
Um, so then I went home. And then I babysat. And then I went to the LEO's fashion show. Woot woot! Hahaha, I felt so sickkkk. And yet I was screaming like crazyyyy. Fun fun fun. Viet is a good dancer o_o; Hm, so then Hannah and I hung out for like fifteen minutes afterwards with various people and then she left. And DingDong and I were there with Renee and Timothy. And then I stole Jimmy's scooter and DingDong and I went to the ASB rock and made some really lame wanna-be cover of Collide. Haha. And then my dad wasn't calling, so we went to Krua Thai. But then my dad DID call at around 11:30, and we took the fried tofu to go and DingDong drove me home in like four minutes. And I got in trouble. And there. Good day, good day.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Bulletproof loneliness.
I want to say something, and although I speak most of my mind on this blog, it won't be right if I just type it out here without telling the person it regards first. Sigh. Talk about a pang. I was so excited, so anxious. I was screaming in my head, "YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and thennn, -poof-! Nothing! NOTHING!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I'M SUCH A FAILUREEEE!
LOL, well that made my day... Sigh. So I'm sick. Still. I can feel it getting worse each day. Please, please, I hope I get better before my Pasadena Pageant interview. Speaking of which, tomorrow, Alfredo and I are having a photoshoot for my pageant pictures that I have to bring this Sunday. Sigh.
I've been sighing a lot.
Last year, I used to loveeee Between the Trees. Now I'm getting into them again. "Yesss I like youuuuu. I don't love you. I can't love you... Or at least I do not think I do... yet."
LOL, well that made my day... Sigh. So I'm sick. Still. I can feel it getting worse each day. Please, please, I hope I get better before my Pasadena Pageant interview. Speaking of which, tomorrow, Alfredo and I are having a photoshoot for my pageant pictures that I have to bring this Sunday. Sigh.
I've been sighing a lot.
Last year, I used to loveeee Between the Trees. Now I'm getting into them again. "Yesss I like youuuuu. I don't love you. I can't love you... Or at least I do not think I do... yet."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sinking with the melody of the cliffs of eternity
Today spent with: Tiffany Cheung, Julia, Pauline, Christine, David, Jimmy, Kevin, Jimmy.
Bah.
Nothing to say today either. I want to have a photoshoot with Alfredo before the Pasadena Pageant seminar thing this weekend, because we need to bring pictures. Sigh. I need money so I can buy stuff from this one online store I absolutely love. Sigh. :)
OH CRAP. BEEKEN TOMORROW. CIAOOOOO.
Bah.
Nothing to say today either. I want to have a photoshoot with Alfredo before the Pasadena Pageant seminar thing this weekend, because we need to bring pictures. Sigh. I need money so I can buy stuff from this one online store I absolutely love. Sigh. :)
OH CRAP. BEEKEN TOMORROW. CIAOOOOO.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Let's play this game called "When you catch fire"
I MISS THE OLD FALL OUT BOY SO MUCHHHHH. :(
I hate how most of my blog titles are amazing FOB one liners. I WANT TO CRYYYY. BRING BACK PUNK FALL OUT BOY.
Okay. I'm good.
So I have nothing to say. I just woke up. I was supposed to wake up at 8 am, but I just left my radio on until 12:30, when I decided to get up.
I hate how most of my blog titles are amazing FOB one liners. I WANT TO CRYYYY. BRING BACK PUNK FALL OUT BOY.
Okay. I'm good.
So I have nothing to say. I just woke up. I was supposed to wake up at 8 am, but I just left my radio on until 12:30, when I decided to get up.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I guess that's why they call it the blues.
Sometimes I wish I could be more than I am. I see the inner beauty of so many girls shine through, and I can't help but feel envious because I have none. Sometimes I just want to be pretty, smarter, kinder, less temperate, more exciting, whatever. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough, but it just gets tiring trying to be all content with myself when there's nothing to be confident about. I'm not unhappy and depressed or anything - don't take this the wrong way - but sometimes I wake up and just feel down in the dumps, wishing I could just be some amazing person.
Sigh, so anyways, I haven't touched a computer since Thursday (thank goodness I can go on myspace with my phone). Soooo Winteract was on Friday and after school, Tiffany Chao & Tiffany Chau and I hung out. We took the bus to tap, and then walked to the mall, and saw Therese and other people there. Then we waited by a bus stop but later got a ride from Therese' dad to school. Went to school, hung out until Tiffany Chau had to leave, and went to the cafeteria. The first two hours were unbelievably fun. And then I felt completely pooped and got a bloody nose from dancing too crazy and went outside. Then I spent the last hour and a half talking to friends and stuff. During the last twenty minutes or so, I was sitting with Dong inside and all of a sudden, they play With You as the last song and I saw all the couples dance and stuff. Thennnn, I broke. -DUN DUN DUN- Since... January 6 (sighhhh), I've been avoiding all romantic movies and love songs, and THAT just had to come up. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh. But then it ended and I was all good. Haha. Last night, I spent the night at Auntie Melody's house, but she was in Seattle and I had to keep Auntie Vanity company. We made pizza from scratch for dinner. And this morning we made French toast from scratch (except for the bread, duh) and BREAD PUDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, Auntie Vanity's French toast is the most amazing version I have ever tasted, and her bread pudding is scrumptious. I could gain ten pounds in a week at the rate she cooks. Bah... so I went home and my dad comes home with new fish food for Nemo. I was so happy, because Nemo was sick of his old food and wouldn't eat it and he ate the new food happily. Oh, and we bought him new plants too! I hope he's happy; I don't want him to die like Tiffany Cheung's fish.
Sigh, so anyways, I haven't touched a computer since Thursday (thank goodness I can go on myspace with my phone). Soooo Winteract was on Friday and after school, Tiffany Chao & Tiffany Chau and I hung out. We took the bus to tap, and then walked to the mall, and saw Therese and other people there. Then we waited by a bus stop but later got a ride from Therese' dad to school. Went to school, hung out until Tiffany Chau had to leave, and went to the cafeteria. The first two hours were unbelievably fun. And then I felt completely pooped and got a bloody nose from dancing too crazy and went outside. Then I spent the last hour and a half talking to friends and stuff. During the last twenty minutes or so, I was sitting with Dong inside and all of a sudden, they play With You as the last song and I saw all the couples dance and stuff. Thennnn, I broke. -DUN DUN DUN- Since... January 6 (sighhhh), I've been avoiding all romantic movies and love songs, and THAT just had to come up. Ughhhhhhhhhhhh. But then it ended and I was all good. Haha. Last night, I spent the night at Auntie Melody's house, but she was in Seattle and I had to keep Auntie Vanity company. We made pizza from scratch for dinner. And this morning we made French toast from scratch (except for the bread, duh) and BREAD PUDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, Auntie Vanity's French toast is the most amazing version I have ever tasted, and her bread pudding is scrumptious. I could gain ten pounds in a week at the rate she cooks. Bah... so I went home and my dad comes home with new fish food for Nemo. I was so happy, because Nemo was sick of his old food and wouldn't eat it and he ate the new food happily. Oh, and we bought him new plants too! I hope he's happy; I don't want him to die like Tiffany Cheung's fish.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life.
I don't know what to say. After Beeken's tutorial and learning about impressionism and expressionism, I feel a tad bit more certain about who I am and who I would like to stay being. I have come to start to find all the little details in my life beautiful and appreciate them more. Like how beautiful the dust clings on to the extending arms of my chandelier and how the light is like a white-goldenrod shade that shines the room with warmth. I see how my carpet is like a light magenta color and how it kind of looks like a mini, faded Red Carpet. The Arrowhead bottle of water by my computer screen is just as beautiful too. I mean, if you think about it, can you imagine how long it would take for people to design such a perfectly eco-friendly label and shapely figure? We take everything for granted without realizing how much time and effort the creators have put into making them.
Bah. Speechless now. I am so easy to manipulate. I don't know what words he says are genuine and which aren't. It's so hard to NOT trust people. I open up to people so easily and I even KNOW that people will talk behind my back, and I allow it!!! I'm not the type of person to be all clammed up and secretive of my feelings. And it's so hard for me to NOT see the greater good in people. I know I'll be hurt in the end. I know my friends will always spread the stupidest rumors and my other friends will always believe them. But I've realized that despite all these things I am certain will happen, I still am able to confide - or rather, attempt to confide - in these girls I call my friends. Not too long ago, some friends were talking crap about another one of ours, and I even told them not to, and to realize that she is who she is and they should accept her for it, they still did. The thing was that, at nutrition, they still treated her like a friend. They even still considered her their friend, and I just couldn't believe that they didn't feel guilty for speaking negatively of her name and still treating her like nothing happened. I can swear on my life that I have never told her that her "friends" were talking behind her back, but it still makes me feel so bad that people do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. I mean, WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY? DO YOU REALIZE THAT WE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE BAD THINGS? Like, people spread the word about the "bad" qualities of a person when gossiping, and YET, nobody EVERRR mentions the good things. Compared to how much crap you hear about other people, how often do you hear "Oh my gosh, she is so generous", or "she's so sweet", or "I can always go to her when I have problems"? How often do you really hear that? Okay, I'm totally off topic. Well, I originally meant for this to be a short little paragraph saying that I can't trust boys but I guess it switched to girls. You know what? I hate when boys tell you sweet things and they say it to every other girl in the world. Flirts. Ugh, I hate being played.
Gosh, did you guys know that I'm a complete pushover? I completely gave away my document summaries (only two though) for Beeken to like, a whole chat room of about 6 people, and none of them helped me? And then, I actually type up my pages and pages of Beeken notes to people on AIM and don't even feel appreciated. And then I say THANK YOU when leaving the bus, and most of the time, they don't say you're welcome!!! We sing at the City of Hope hospital to dying cancer patients, and some of the nurses want us to leave?!?! Insanely rude, much? I chase after a loose dog for an old lady (just this Monday) and they don't even say thanks?!?!?! Okay, I honestly have never in my life expected anything in return, but now it kind of makes me feel bad when I do these tiny good deeds for people, I hardly ever feel appreciated for doing it. Diana, you freaking loser.
Bah. Speechless now. I am so easy to manipulate. I don't know what words he says are genuine and which aren't. It's so hard to NOT trust people. I open up to people so easily and I even KNOW that people will talk behind my back, and I allow it!!! I'm not the type of person to be all clammed up and secretive of my feelings. And it's so hard for me to NOT see the greater good in people. I know I'll be hurt in the end. I know my friends will always spread the stupidest rumors and my other friends will always believe them. But I've realized that despite all these things I am certain will happen, I still am able to confide - or rather, attempt to confide - in these girls I call my friends. Not too long ago, some friends were talking crap about another one of ours, and I even told them not to, and to realize that she is who she is and they should accept her for it, they still did. The thing was that, at nutrition, they still treated her like a friend. They even still considered her their friend, and I just couldn't believe that they didn't feel guilty for speaking negatively of her name and still treating her like nothing happened. I can swear on my life that I have never told her that her "friends" were talking behind her back, but it still makes me feel so bad that people do this EVERY SINGLE DAY. I mean, WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY? DO YOU REALIZE THAT WE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE BAD THINGS? Like, people spread the word about the "bad" qualities of a person when gossiping, and YET, nobody EVERRR mentions the good things. Compared to how much crap you hear about other people, how often do you hear "Oh my gosh, she is so generous", or "she's so sweet", or "I can always go to her when I have problems"? How often do you really hear that? Okay, I'm totally off topic. Well, I originally meant for this to be a short little paragraph saying that I can't trust boys but I guess it switched to girls. You know what? I hate when boys tell you sweet things and they say it to every other girl in the world. Flirts. Ugh, I hate being played.
Gosh, did you guys know that I'm a complete pushover? I completely gave away my document summaries (only two though) for Beeken to like, a whole chat room of about 6 people, and none of them helped me? And then, I actually type up my pages and pages of Beeken notes to people on AIM and don't even feel appreciated. And then I say THANK YOU when leaving the bus, and most of the time, they don't say you're welcome!!! We sing at the City of Hope hospital to dying cancer patients, and some of the nurses want us to leave?!?! Insanely rude, much? I chase after a loose dog for an old lady (just this Monday) and they don't even say thanks?!?!?! Okay, I honestly have never in my life expected anything in return, but now it kind of makes me feel bad when I do these tiny good deeds for people, I hardly ever feel appreciated for doing it. Diana, you freaking loser.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
And oh, the way your makeup stains my pillowcase
Like I'll never be the same.
Why must Patrick and Pete be such wonderful writers?
Haha, I'm done for tonight. Some people really know how to hurt a person's feelings. Beeken chatrooms are not for the faint-hearted.
So I found out I have a C+ in Beeken's and that when I don't turn in my 150 point assignment tomorrow, I'll have a 64% Oh, that's wonderful, isn't it?
Sigh. I really want cake, but I feel so fat looking in the mirror. OH, SO MY HAIR IS TOTALLY WHACK. I hate it. Ughhhhh. Goodnight, folks.
Why must Patrick and Pete be such wonderful writers?
Haha, I'm done for tonight. Some people really know how to hurt a person's feelings. Beeken chatrooms are not for the faint-hearted.
So I found out I have a C+ in Beeken's and that when I don't turn in my 150 point assignment tomorrow, I'll have a 64% Oh, that's wonderful, isn't it?
Sigh. I really want cake, but I feel so fat looking in the mirror. OH, SO MY HAIR IS TOTALLY WHACK. I hate it. Ughhhhh. Goodnight, folks.
2009 Pasadena Pageant
"My name is Anna Klejnowski. I am a Coordinator for this year's 2009 Pasadena Pageant. I'm writing to you today, to let you know that you are eligible to participate in this year's competition. You have been referred to me as a possible candidate who may enjoy modeling in from of an audience [etc etc...]"
D:< So I have this strong feeling it's from Glenda, my City of Hope and voice teacher. She's the only person I know who actually knows about pageants and would refer me to be a possible runner. Geez.
Sunday, January 25 is the day for the interview.
Oh gosh. I was so mad when I read the letter because I know a person like me would never win something like that, but now that I visited the website, I feel kind of okay about it. I mean, it would really be a good experience and would definitely raise my self-esteem. Plus, it's not like I have to pay a lot of money to be in it. So it could be something to do to keep me busy. Ohhhh, and the prize for the preliminaries is 20k. So why not? Haha, I need to be aggressive and get money somehow if I wanna go to college anyway.
Sigh, I'm still a little bummed out though. After my little transformation last night, I don't think the dye will be out of my hair and my layers will grow out in time for the 25th. Or maybe I should just embrace retro style and go like this anyway.
OH YEAH. So yesterday I got the cut. And Philip, my main hair homie, lovesssss crazy hairdo's. His hair was light blue, blue, lime green, and purple when I saw him yesterday. And two weeks ago, he had black hair and leopard spots on one side of his head. So you can imagine how scene he would make my hair. I asked to dye my hair dark red at the back and so he did. And then I was wondering if I should get one little red streak in my bangs, and we ended up doing three. And then he cut my layers really short and spiked them up. And yeah. I don't exactly love the red in the bangs. And I wish he added some more longer layers. I think I'll go to him next week and ask to add some more so it doesn't look like I have a square head. Haha. It actually is a wonderful haircut, but I'm not punk enough for it. But whatever. I don't give a crap about girls that'll look at me and call me a wanna-be or whatever. I absolutely adore crazy, out-of-control hair, and I was totally feeling spontaneous about doing the red bangs thing anyway.
D:< So I have this strong feeling it's from Glenda, my City of Hope and voice teacher. She's the only person I know who actually knows about pageants and would refer me to be a possible runner. Geez.
Sunday, January 25 is the day for the interview.
Oh gosh. I was so mad when I read the letter because I know a person like me would never win something like that, but now that I visited the website, I feel kind of okay about it. I mean, it would really be a good experience and would definitely raise my self-esteem. Plus, it's not like I have to pay a lot of money to be in it. So it could be something to do to keep me busy. Ohhhh, and the prize for the preliminaries is 20k. So why not? Haha, I need to be aggressive and get money somehow if I wanna go to college anyway.
Sigh, I'm still a little bummed out though. After my little transformation last night, I don't think the dye will be out of my hair and my layers will grow out in time for the 25th. Or maybe I should just embrace retro style and go like this anyway.
OH YEAH. So yesterday I got the cut. And Philip, my main hair homie, lovesssss crazy hairdo's. His hair was light blue, blue, lime green, and purple when I saw him yesterday. And two weeks ago, he had black hair and leopard spots on one side of his head. So you can imagine how scene he would make my hair. I asked to dye my hair dark red at the back and so he did. And then I was wondering if I should get one little red streak in my bangs, and we ended up doing three. And then he cut my layers really short and spiked them up. And yeah. I don't exactly love the red in the bangs. And I wish he added some more longer layers. I think I'll go to him next week and ask to add some more so it doesn't look like I have a square head. Haha. It actually is a wonderful haircut, but I'm not punk enough for it. But whatever. I don't give a crap about girls that'll look at me and call me a wanna-be or whatever. I absolutely adore crazy, out-of-control hair, and I was totally feeling spontaneous about doing the red bangs thing anyway.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake.
dianayoudork ----> dianayouidiot. That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa. .____.
The sky is falling through.
So today, I was so cheery and hyper. But I don't knoooow about some things. My head was hurtingggg like CRAZY. And now it is again.
Monica and I went to HKP after school. To Krua Thai for Thai Iced Tea. YoSpace for frozen yogurt (duh?). Tap for potstickers, which were super duper good. Her house to play Wii. Home.
I want potstickers... Or dumplings. Like some big box. Some big, big, big box. Oh golly gee, I'm a pig.
Anyways, TOMORROW I FINALLY GET MY HAIR CUT AND BOTTOM LAYERS DYED. FINALLY. FINALLY. FINALLLYYY! Haha.
Nothing heartfelt or deep from me today. I'm feeling too light and airy.
Monica and I went to HKP after school. To Krua Thai for Thai Iced Tea. YoSpace for frozen yogurt (duh?). Tap for potstickers, which were super duper good. Her house to play Wii. Home.
I want potstickers... Or dumplings. Like some big box. Some big, big, big box. Oh golly gee, I'm a pig.
Anyways, TOMORROW I FINALLY GET MY HAIR CUT AND BOTTOM LAYERS DYED. FINALLY. FINALLY. FINALLLYYY! Haha.
Nothing heartfelt or deep from me today. I'm feeling too light and airy.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I am beginning to
believe more and more in the philosophies of Gandhi. No, I won't starve myself for a month straight, but I can learn self-control a little more through him. Perhaps I will learn to control urges to tell you I love you and stop thinking of you altogether. Oh, Gandhi, teach me how to resist.
Two ironic songs
My current profile song and yours.
Oh, why do I have to like such depressing songs.
Hamburg Song - Keane
Sleep - The Smiths
Oh, why do I have to like such depressing songs.
Hamburg Song - Keane
Sleep - The Smiths
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Hello,
world.
Diana's back (:
Oh, life.
How I love it.
Hahahaha.
You're amazing, but you should know that after all the many times I've told you that today.
To _____: I'm sorry.
Diana's back (:
Oh, life.
How I love it.
Hahahaha.
You're amazing, but you should know that after all the many times I've told you that today.
To _____: I'm sorry.
Monday, January 5, 2009
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