I can't guarantee I'll remember, or that I won't lose this if I write it down on paper,

so I'll leave it here since I'm 100% sure the Internet won't "break down" over night.

Outro after hold out "one".
C#m, Asus, E, Bsus (x2) Strum once last Bsus.

Adam Lambert, why must you be gay?

I LOVE YOU.





I personally think he made an excellent Fiyero.


And this... is the most modern video, so of course, I LOVE THIS THE MOST. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. If I were a guy, I totally go gay just for him. LOLLL HAHAHAHAHAHA.

She drips down the walls while I unravel like a web.

Hey hey heyyyy. Hahaha, I'm having a pretty darn good week.

So did you know we have 13 weeks of school left? Not including Spring Break... Wow. I'm terrified of growing uppp. Please stop time. Please please please.

Mmm, I'm hungry.

Hey, let's kick it. Stop, just lick it.

LOL, the lyrics to Tony the Beat are hilariously disgusting, but I can't help but like the song.

So... I'm walkinnn on sunshineee!!! :)
Oh, you know. Yeah, you know. I like how a million people asked me whether or not I asked already when I was walking with him, trying to gather all my courage. Woot woot!

Woo!

















Woooo!








WOOOO!

Hahaha, I'm pretty hyper right now. In my mind. My body's pretty exhausted though.

WRITER'S BLOCK.
GOODNESS.
THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR BEING TOO HAPPY.
NO INSPIRATION!
UGHHHHHHH!

Oh, so I'm taking...
AP English,
AP Calculus (assuming I take Pre-cal over the summer),
AP US history,
AP Chemistry,
Spanish III,
and either a) ASB or b) AP Physics.
Oh, and after school I might take the ROP class for Health Careers.

I'm running for VICE PRESIDENT OF CLASS OF 2011, by the way! And if I don't win, I'll run for another position in ASB. If I don't get in... then I'll just settle with AP Physics.

Oh, so I'm planning to charter the World Wildlife Club next school year, because it's just easier that way.

Out of words. Toodles.

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess.

Aw, Julia's Sadies idea is so cute. I'm asking myyyy (possible) date tomorrow. But plainly. Very plainly. With the typical, "would you go to Sadies with me?" Mmm, I'm so prepared for a "uh... sorry... but no" or something along those lines.

Sigh. Today, I went shopping. Spent $140.26 in total. Bought like... four headbands, a pair of flower clips, four shirts, a necklace, stuff (dot dot dot), two pairs of knee-highs, and shorts. Si... And my online order of peace Vans, a faux leather bag, and two shirts should come in by Wednesday at the latest. Yes, yes. No, I'm not that spoiled that I ask my dad for money and I get it (ohhh, I wish. I'd be shopping every day). I work for my money, okaaaay?!?!

aldjfasldkf mmm, yesterday we got a laptop. SO finally I have a computer at my own house!!! I'm still going to go to my Lola's (grandma's) though, because all my music files and pictures/videos are there. I should probably store everything online someplace so I can access them from here as well. Bleh. I wanna keep this laptop beautiful and nice and non-laggy though, so I can't download Maplestory of Audition or even MUSIC. (GASP, I KNOW!!!) That's okay. I don't mind staying at my grandma's house.

Um, what else what else. New printer too? LOL. Ummmmm, and... OH. We have this little Wi-Fi thing from Verizon now, so basically I have Verizon! I can even TEXT online. My number is... okay, I shouldn't post it up on here cause I don't wanna receive any. I guess I'll use it in case of emergency or something (like that'll ever happen).

Okay, well yeah. I really have nothing to say. I'm not in the mood for thinking. I'm far too happy for that. MARCH 19 = BULLDOG IDOL!!! OH MY GAAAAAAAAHHHH. AND I'M SICKKKK. I DON'T WANNA PRACTICE AT DONG'S HOUSE ANYMORE. HIS CATS ARE GONNA MAKE ME GET BRONCHITIS ANDDDDD PNEUMONIA! Blah.

So I took a shirt out of the dryer for the sake of wearing it to keep me warm here downstairs. LOL. So warm...

Okay, it's past ten. I should go to sleep. I've been so dehydrated... so I'm more exhausted at the end of the day. Goodnight, sweet thangs.

I never get blog comments anymore.

.______________.
Sigh.




So yesterday = Tiffany Chao, Hannah, Therese, Rafael @ Tap. Met Richie, AJ (:D), Jonas (brothers HAHA). AJ's personality is like... hot danggggg. (Culinary arts school?!?!?! AHHHH!!!! <3) They believed we were juniors. Played games. Did a puzzle. Went to Puente Hills Mall. Then home.

I realized I haven't been going home before 6 for the past two weeks or so. Like it's either, hanging out with friends or class council or babysitting or something else. But yeah. I like it. It's been keeping me away from misery, which is just about my biggest company at this very moment.

I'm so confused. You know it REALLY hurts that I have no idea what's going on in their heads. Like... am I seriously the only one that doesn't have a secret?!?!? I tell everythingggg on this blog. EVERYTHING. There is nothing about my life of some importance that I keep to myself, and what do I get in return? "Mystery" and "not-knowing-what-you're-thinking" and "Diana = UGHHHH!!!" A dear friend of mine was once very recluse towards me and when I told him to open up to others like me and tell everything they're feeling/doing/etcetc, he said, "Don't you think if you keep talking to me about everything YOU'RE doing, I'll open up?" OBVIOUSLYYYY, that approach didn't work because he isn't telling me what the heck he has to tell me, even though he's been bugging me about it since the beginning of FEBRUARY! UGHALHGFLASJFASLDFKH.

I'm generally not an angry person. I'm more of the type to be melancholy and calm when I'm upset. But today I'm just pissed.

Seriously, I think I have carpal tunnel syndrome or something. My right wrist has been hurting like CRAZY all week, and the end of my ulna, the elbow bone that connects to your pinky, juts out more than the ulna of my left arm does. IT HURTS!!! I THINKKKK it's because I've been super lazy with my piano posture for the past month, cause this whole week, when I've tried to play with my right hand with correct posture, it's been so hard! I think I've changed the whole alignment of my hand or something. Meh, I'm going to get an x-ray this week, so hopefully it can be fixed.

Oh, and my back has been hurting for the past two weeks too! UGH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY POSTURE!!! I think it's cause I stopped doing inner reiki, what with all the things I've been up to lately. No patience at all... Bah. I'm losing myself!

Speed up your breathing.

I had an odd dream last night. I was at Bulldog Idol, except in some place like one of those cafes that hold poetry slams with all the black berets and finger snapping (you know what I mean). And I was with someone. And yeah... Then it shifted into this other dream where I was asked out by AN0THER someone. And I asked when and he made me take out my Bulldog planner. I opened to the page of the February calendar and on it, instead of days of the month, there were replaced with the number of days I've been single. It was 95 (it's not true, but it was in the dream). And the person said, "when it gets to another 95, we'll go out". Of course, it made more sense to say "on day 190", but dreams are vague... Mmm. Very weird. I woke up a little after that at around 2 am. It took me two hours to fall back asleep. D:<

Okie dokie artichokie hokey pokey. Today I went to aerobics. I couldn't do much, especially during yoga, because of my dumb womanly reasons. Then, English. Boring boring. I played with Winston's DS half the time. Thennn, chemistry. I think I got a C on the test... SIGHHHHH. .____. Thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, after school, DingDong's house. We sang and I started getting my allergies from his cats. Bahhhh. And now I'm home. So it was a relatively "okay" day.

Nothing else to say. Audition timeeee! (Oh, so asian, so asian)

They had us all clapping our hands at the sound of catchy choruses and screaming fans.

Just a reminder... SUPPORT DIANA AMCHUANG ROMERO OCHANGCO CELESTINO AQUINO TORTONA PARAISO @ BULLDOG IDOL ON THURSDAY, MARCH 19. (Supposedly)
LOL. I think about it like a million times a day, just because I really haven't sung (performance-wise) in front of PEERS (not patients) in almost two years.

Yum... I had really good coffee this morning. I just forgot what brand and flavor it was. It was really good... Really really good. And my dad made it yesterday, so it was stronger this morning. Oh so yummy.

Oh, I don't know what to say. Today I had a Spanish project due, and I typed up the final draft, got pictures, and decorated my poster all in the morning/lunch. WOOT WOOT. And then I didn't REALLY screw up when I presented it, compared to half the class that didn't do theirs/didn't memorize any lines. Bah, so yeah.

Um, after school = Beeken movie. I really liked it. Africa is so pretty. I don't know if I mentioned this in former blogs, but I've been considering Cal Poly for engineering instead of UCLA for medicine or pathology because I know my dad's + my work money won't be enough and I don't wanna be 100% dependent on loans and aids and stuff. Plus, I'm not going to get any good scholarships with how lazy I am. Mmm, yeah, so anyway, because I may not become a doctor, I've been reconsidering living in Africa for a couple of years. It makes me sad, but I think I can still help out and be a volunteer instead of an actual doctor there for summers or something. When I was watching the movie, I felt even worse about the opportunity of Africa disappearing.

Mmm, what else what else. Babysitting right now. Woop woop.

Um, tomorrow DingDong and I are hanging out to practice Only One for Bulldog Idol. He needs to hear me sing it so he can change the chords to the right pitch. DINGDONG HAS SUPER EARS!!! LOLLL.

OH THAT REMINDS ME OF YESTERDAY. At like 5 in ASB after putting up posters for Sadies. Gio... hahahahah. I'm not gonna explain it cause I'm getting kind of lazy typing now, but I still remember MOST of the exact words he said.

IT WENT FROM
DIANA: I quit. It was a scam.
TO--->
GIO: No. Pageanteers do not QUIT. They resignnnn. Senorita Paraiso resigned from the Pasadena Pageant of 2009 because it was ill-represented and illegitimate.

HAHAHAHA. I have no idea how Gio can be so suave.

Mmm, kay gotta go home.

One look puts the rhythm in my hand.

I'm not in the contemplative sort of mood right now.

Friday: Monica, Grace, Hannah, Christine, Pauline, and I ---> Red Robin. My stupid flats were soaked cause it's all cloth and so my toes felt like wrinkly old grandma skin .___. See Cris/Matt/Casey/others there. Talk a while. Go to our separate table. Talk. Eat. Yum yum. Go to Forever 21. Shop a bit. Take bus to school. Wait outside the cafeteria... First ones in line. Mr. Bulldog. Half Italian, half asian?!?!? DAAAANGGGG, CUTE BOY. Ohhh dang, fireman suspenders. OOOOH CUTE BOY. Hahahaha. Home.

Saturday: Hannah's house. Monica, Hannah, and I ---> makeup/hair until 3. Bus stop. Creepy old guy on the bus. Tapioca Express. Meet with Stephanie. Hang out. Eat. Talk. Laugh. Cards. Dan. Hannah's house @ 6. Nails. Slam dunk thingy on TV. Noodles. Squating like an asian. "YOU WANT SOME MO' NOODLES?!?!" Computer. Piano. Hannah's room. Putting on 8 bras on top of each other. Pictures. Dressing up. Laughing. Being girls. Dancing. Music. Woot woot. Home. Work out. Sleep.

Sirens...

Lol, so I clicked on "New Post" and thought of a line from a Fall Out Boy song, but I just thought of this song called Sirens by The May Fire. I find it hilarious because half the song lyrics is basically the one word, "SIRENNNSSSS".
So today I checked my Truth Box again, and see, normally I reply to the things I get in there. So someone replied to one of the things I said, and he called me an attention whore. And that kind of got me thinking. You know what? Yes I am. I guess. Haha. I know I can be a lot worse, like I can be ten times more outspoken and rowdy, like Shereen. HAHAHA, but I don't see that as a bad thing!!! Shereen is a wonderful attention whore, and I know she won't even take that term into offense because she's way cooler than half the people that get that thrown at them (most girls who hear that would be like WHAT? NOOO I AM NOT. I HATE YOU BLAHBLAHBLAH, but Shereen's the most I-don't-care-what-stupid-thing-you-have-to-say-with-me person in the world :D). You gotta express some personalityyy, baby! Hahaha. Attention whore is just a bad connotation of expressive, outgoing, and lively. There definitely is a difference between obnoxious and outgoing, and it's all in the eyes of the beholder. I always have fun with these truth box comments that say "mean" things, because they are just SO true, and although the words they use are meant to be "insulting", it's really just a synonym to a better connotative word. Take for example, if I say a person is a wallflower (which I would never say cause that's just mean). That would be the BAD. In replacement, a person could just be timid (which I see as neutral), or maybe sweet, considerate, and well-controlled. There's a bunch of way to see things, and I just laugh at people who don't LIKE other people.

There's not many people (not many teenagers) who can forget the flaws in a person and see the things they're beautiful inside and out for. In inner reiki, you learn to FEEL other people's personality. I believe that it all truly shines through. I tried searching for my aura (it's supposed to be blue) on my skin, but I'm not the best clairvoyant so I barely saw a lining. They say that the less stressed you are, the more you release your soul instead of keeping it all inside, the more your aura shines through. Like, when you're happy, TRULY happy, your aura gets bigger and bigger and others FEEL it. I DO feel it when other people are happy. The atmosphere changes, according to these auras, and emotions are let out in the process. I actually haven't read further into the book my dad has on it, but I sort of believe that inner beauty is just the same. It shines through. And you can feel it radiate off a person when they're genuine. People need to learn to see that blue shadow radiating off others, and if they can't, then they should at least try. I meant that all figuratively, by the way, cause I'm pretty sure nobody I know is clairvoyant, haha. But yeah... Stop thinking about a person's flaws and start seeing the many traits in others that make them themselves. Because we're all beautiful, inside and out. And I will pray for whoever called me an attention whore that they will soon learn to overlook the broken fence and see the flowers.

Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them.

Taylor Swift + Miley Cyrus + "Fifteen" + @ Grammy's = I WANT TO CRYYYY.

Oh gosh, that duet was brilliant. BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT, I TELL YOU, BRILLIANT! I wonder how awkward the Nick and Joe felt watching them.

I don't really like Miley, but she really did well yesterday. I like Taylor Swift way more, but I didn't feel the soul like I did when I heard Miley. Oh, and it just SUCKSSSS that I related so much of my freshman year to the chorus of this song. Well, I'm sure it relates to tons of girls that had a perfect relationship in their freshman year. Poor Miley... I never knew she could have so much heart. Not like I used to think she had a rock for a heart before or anything, just... gosh. She has serious SOUL.

I sing the blues and swallow them too.

I feel very... impressionistic as of now. Hahaha, oh Beeken's class...

Anyway, every night that I come home from my grandma's house, I stare at the sky. It takes 30 seconds to cross the street from here to my house, and since I live in a gated area and there aren't any cars to worry about, I just look up while I'm walking. The winter sky really is beautiful, when there aren't any clouds in the way. Of course the little twinkles of stars aren't as abundant as they are when you're in high altitudes, but it's still something. I'm feeling really sad now that Venus is starting to drift away and disappear from sight earlier and earlier each night. I guess the tables turn when 2012 comes, and all the planets start aligning. Haha.

So a good friend of my aunt and uncle's, Annette, is getting married and I'm really happy for her. I've known her since I was 5 and she was 22 or something, so I can't believe she's getting married now. I mean I CAN believe, because she's gorgeous and skinny and a genuinely kind person, but still, where do the years go?!?! Hahaha. The wedding is on March 06, a Friday, in San Diego, and I don't know if my aunt and uncle will let me miss school for it. I'm pretty sure they will though.

So the Grammy's, eh? Haha, I think I'm just typing this blog to waste the time away. I don't wanna go back home and wait there... There's nothing to do at home! Haha.

Mmm, Valentines' Day, ehhh? Mehhh, I'd like to wish everyone an early Singles Awareness Day before I forget. Then again, how am I going to forget when I'm selling Valentines' grams for Class of '09 and when everyone is talking about it in dumb bulletins?

._____.

Fact: I just spent the last five hours doing five chapters of SR2Q's when it would normally take no more than two hours. I get distracted waaaay too much.

Fact: I think my posture is getting worse or something, because my back has started to hurt more lately. Then again... I HAVE been spending all day in bed since Monday cause I'm sick and all. Okay, that makes sense. Scratch the posture thing.

Fact: It's been my favoriteeee since 2006, and I have never ever ever everrrr gotten tired of Here In Your Arms. I think that's pretty amazing.

Fact: Supermac18 on Youtube is a cutie patootie.

Fact: You are too. (:

I lie for only you (and I lie well...)

I remembered my dream last night too! The main part is that I went to some school and at the end, I lost my left eye. And when I looked in the mirror in my Uncle Boboy's white Quest, it grew back, but there was some dent in it. Oh, and before THAT dream, I had one of when it was like... show and tell with our pets and I had a lizard. And my lizard made different poses and stuff. I remember he was 900 something years old and that he was really tiny, but when I put him in a red plastic cup of water and took him out a minute later, he grew really big. The end. I feel really good about remembering these little details in my dream; it shows I'm turning back to good old freshman Diana. I like that, too.

So, today I've decided to talk about... I don't even know yet. Um, okay, maybe I have no interest in contemplating today because I have lots of SR2Q's for Beeken to make up. Hahaha, I guess I'll catch you tomorrow, or later today if I feel like it. Ciaoooo. (:

I thought I loved you, but it's just how you looked in the light.

So, dearest readers, hello. How are you? Good? That's good. I woke up in a rather cheery mood. Actually, in a rather... eccentric mood. When I went downstairs to make breakfast, I started pointing at things and talking to them. I was talking to a jar of mayonnaise and asking it if it were bad or not. Oh, and I started singing... or repeating the word "sandwich" to various keys while spreading the mayo on the bread. Then I took out the new salami and started singing the Oscar Mayer song, but that's not bad. Then I sat and watched Mr. Deeds, and during that, I took a banana and started picking it up and going "Banana phone?" HAHA, AND THEN, I went upstairs and asked my dad if I could buy a used car. I remember asking if we could buy more ice cream too, and if I can borrow his credit card to buy a faux suede bag online. And then he threw a pillow at me, and I threw one back. But then when I threw the pillow, I hit my wrist with my cell phone in the other hand, and now part of my wrist is all bruised up. Like a banana when it fell over... (Inside joke) I had a dream... that white people and black people... and even Chinese people... Meh, I wanna meet Chris Tucker. So I actually did have a dream last night! And I remembered it, until I started typing this. And now I'm straining to remember it. Danggit.

(1:02 pm) ...
(1:04 pm) ...
Gah. I can't remember it.
(1:05 pm) NONONO I REMEMBER! Okay, I remember being on a boat and there being a beauty pageant. And then there was a talent portion or something, and I was dancing and doing these super long pirouettes... And that's all I remember of that dream. OHH WAITTTT... OKAY, and then the dream shifted into another dream and I had like... a date I guess with some guy (I knew the guy, just not going to say the name cause it's really random) and we were going to this place... but I forgot the place... I just remember everyone we knew being there, and my aunt was walking around. And then he kissed me even though we hardly knew each other, and my aunt saw and I felt bad because I tell her everything about my life except for him, and yeah. And then me and my date went around the party or whatever and everyone I knew was there. Then I looked behind me and the person I was out with shifted into Christine Poon. Yes, random. I swear, the people that I'm with in my dreams are ALWAYS the most random people in the world. Oh, then I think some more stuff happened but I remember the dream shifting again and I was just watching some stranger (this time I didn't know him, inside the dream and in real life) break dance. Mhm. I find it odd that I actually remembered my dream this time (or part of it).


The following are facts of my life that for some reason, I want to share. I suddenly feel the need to let some more things be known about me.

Fact: I used to be told in 6th grade by Ashley, Giselle, and Veronica that I was too girly and I wanted to beat the crap out of them. And that was when I stopped wearing so much pink.

Fact: When I was little, I used to watch the Spice Girls movie over and over again and dance in front of the TV, wishing I would grow up to be a good singer and dancer.

Fact: I remember when I was five or so, I had a hamster named Jasmine, after Princess Jasmine from Aladdin, and one night, I was playing with her and she bit me really hard on the thumb that it was bleeding for an hour. After that night, I was really traumatized and refused to play with her or feed her since then. She died a few months later and my dad told me it was because he forgot to feed her, but I found out a few years ago that he lied to me and she was sick.

Fact: So you know how my house is really scary right? Cause I'm always alone in the house and there's only me and my dad living in the five-bedroom house? So, sometimes I talk to myself when I have to walk through the house at night to keep myself from "feeling" spirits.

Fact: I never feel like I sing good enough.

Fact: In 6th grade, I went to my first solo workshop for choir, and when I sang, Veronica and Ashley told me not to sing that way and I quit. But then I got all the solos I wanted in 7th and 8th grade when I decided not to listen to them and boosted my confidence. I honestly never forgot how hurt I was when they told me that. I must admit, I always felt super smug when I got the solos.

Fact: I used to hate rock/punk/screamo/acoustic alternative and only listen to hip hop/rap/soul/r&b. Now it's the other way around.

Fact: Even though I'm scared of the bugs when I'm sleeping, I always cry every time we go back home from camping. And every night that we spend camping, tears well up in my eyes when I look up and see the stars because the night sky in in the mountains is just about the most beautiful thing in the world.

Fact: Tears just welled up in my eyes typing that part about the sky.

Fact: At times, I wish I had the power to have my whole life on video or something, and be able to flash back to a certain day and relive it over and over again. Normally I'd want to go back to freshman year and relive the days I spent with ....

Fact: Hannah and I had this "singing group" thing in fourth and fifth grade called "Young Sensation" and we had a whole butterfly notebook full of songs we wrote. I think I lost it... The only song I remember (melody and lyrics included) was one I wrote called "Lost" and the lyrics were like... "I am lost, out in the wilderness. Lost, yes that's where I am. Free, maybe not. But I'm still ruled over... lost." Gosh, talk about cheesy (This was before I read poetry and so you must understand the really shallow and under analyzed lyrics). I remember Hannah and I would sing our songs on the bus, and we even figured out this harmony thing with Lost.

Fact: Every time my dad asks me, "When you're older and your mom comes knocking on your door, begging for money, you're not going to give her any, right?" I want to say I won't give her any with confidence, but honestly... I don't think I'd be emotionally strong enough to slam the door on her. I always think about that... whether or not the hurt that she has done to me would be enough for me to really hate her.

Fact: I remember when I said no when aalskdjfs asked me to a school dance in 6th grade, and I said some lame excuse only because I was too embarrassed to even be near him because I blushed all the time (Ohhhh Ashley and Giselle used to tortureee meee for the way I blushed with the slightest glance at him).

Fact: RARELY, I repeat RARELY, I actually regret (gasp, the R word!) the way I hurt some of the guys I did.

Fact: HAHAHAHA, IN 6TH GRADE, I once got up from my seat too fast that my skirt flew up and the guy I had a crush on saw my underwear (it was pale blue. I REMEMBER!!!!). HAHAHAHAHA. OH MY GOSH, I didn't know... so I didn't blush.

Fact: Confession ---> I get jealous for rare reasons, but one of them is when people share my interests and act all obsessed about it. Like how I totally loved Hellogoodbye before any of you knew about them. And Here In Your Arms was my favorite song since 2006, OKAAAAY? ._____.

Fact: I've never seen or tasted zuccini... So I really don't know if I'll be able to tell the difference between zuccini and cucumber when I finally see one.

Fact: If it weren't for the fact that being in the mountains for too long would give me an asthma attack because of the air pressure, I would live there for the rest of my life.

Fact: I've never met anyone with a more beautiful mind than Glenda Hilliard.

Fact: The only reason Valentines' Day hurts so much is because as each day approaches, it's just one day further away from the wonderful Valentines' Day that I spent with him. Basically, Valentines' Day represents my whole happiness of when I was with him.

Fact: I try with all my might to show my flaws, like the whole jealous thing up there, to the world in hopes that everyone will accept me for that and people will learn to be themselves more often. But sadly, I've realized that most people just become more cynical when a person admits their mistakes.

Fact: "You never forget your first true love." And pathetic as it sounds, I would run straight back to him in a second.

Just off the key of reason.

So I didn't come to school today. Again. Turns out that my dad wasn't going to let me anyway. So I stressed over SR2Q's for nothing. But anyway, the reason I didn't even remember them was that, yesterday morning, I started reading Breaking Dawn. And today, well, as of 5:58 pm, I'm at page 670. Obviously, I'll finish the book by tonight (maybe not before 8 because I'm babysitting). But yeah. Sigh.
Today was somewhat disappointing. In ways that I wouldn't like to share on my blog because it's a girl thing - no, nothing to do with menstruation - just something that girls (or people, for that matter) talk about rather than what unknown blog readers would see online. I'm a little confused myself. Actually, I'm mad confused, or else I wouldn't be thinking about it this much.

Sigh. Valentines' Day is in one week, five hours, and fifty-eight minutes (at the current moment that I'm typing this). I probably won't be able to bear it, but oh well. Another night with ice cream for me. OH, DID YOU KNOOOW, I GAINED TWOOO POUNDS IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS!!! I know I sound like I'm overreacting because it's only two pounds, but still... I shouldn't be gaining weight!!! Well, I should, since I've been sick and been eating about three buckets of mint chocolate chip ice cream a week. Wow, that was stupid to not see it coming. Okay, but still. I refuse to see my weight go over 105 lb. So I was 101 two weeks ago... and 103 now... boy, I should starting going back to school and attending aerobics before I get to 105. I was playing Wii Fit here at the house that I babysit, and my BMI went up since before I got sick (how I found out I gained weight). I hate it!!! It says I'm like, 1/3 of the Just Right section, but I don't want to be 1/3 of it!!! I wanna be... like 1/6 or something. Or wait. NO. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WEIGHT. I care about inches!!! My arms and tummy LOOK fatter too. Yeah, I need to lose the fat .___. Okay, enough useless ranting. Hmm... why do people blog anyway? I started cause I thought that it would be an easier way to journalize the day, a diary. But if I'm going to type all this dumb stuff in, what's the point? Am I really going to come back fifty years from now and read all my posts? Okay, well I

F***** S***!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ALKJFDASLDKFAJSFLKSJD SWEAR I FORGOT THAT CHAPTER 5 - 9 SR2Q'S ARE DUE TOMORROW.
EFFING SHIZZZZ. ALSKDJFALSDKFASJDFSLDK RESTRAIN YOURSELF DIANA!!!
alksdjfasldkjfasdlkfsjlfkj insert S word.
AHHH. I think I'm just going to stay home and come to school to turn it in. Or not... Ugh. I'm babysitting right now and so I can't even start. Ugh! Hate my life!

Oh my God, the thought's insane.

I just spent all morning creating that playlist. Gosh, sometimes it gets too difficult to find the right version of a song.
Tonight, my Auntie Vanity is leaving back to the Philippines. I'll miss her so much, even though I know I didn't spend as much time as I should have since she's been here. I'll probably forget how to play maj jong until she comes back next year. I bet I won't remember her recipes either. Haha.
So I feel pretty dang sick. I can't believe it's been three weeks. I feel miserable. My body aches all over. I know what body aches are. I know they happen when you're sick, when you exercise, when you're on your period, etc etc. This morning I felt TERRIBLEEEE. You can poke every little inch of skin on my body and each time, I'd be in pain. I feel like a little harlequin doll or something. My sides and back hurt the most - or actually, just everywhere in the upper torso (the legs aren't that bad). Ughhhh, I can't even lift my arm without hurting. Sigh. I don't want to go to school anymoreeee. Make me not sick. D:<

Gah, frustrationnnn. Okay, I need to take more Tylenol. The sores and headaches are KILLERRR.

Take me baby or leave me.

No, that title is not a Fall Out Boy one liner. I've actually had RENT songs stuck in my head all day.

Sigh. I don't know what to do with my health anymore. This is terrible. The medicine I took this morning didn't help at all today. If anything, I felt way better last week before I had six medications. I painted about a million silhouettes for class council today, and oh goshhhh, I felt like dying after. I'm so exhausted, but I refuse to shun my duties as a representative. I had a terrible fever in third period Beeken's, and by sixth period Zhou's I had another one. I can't handle thisss. I'm going to DIEEE!!! I should just get home schooled or something. Haha.

So last night I watched the movie Mirrors. It was the first movie since the Grudge to really scare me. I don't know why. Haha. But anyway, I woke up at 2 am this morning and couldn't sleep until 4 because (one) I felt so sick, and (two) I was terrified of looking into the big closet-sized mirrors that were right beside my bed. TERRIFIED. Hahah... I spent the two hours of my awakening facing the opposite side so I'd be looking at a wall instead. Oh, and I used one of my pillows as a border or something to cover up the place where the mirrors should have been if I were to look.

While I was waiting to fall asleep, I thought about graduating and high school. It's all coming too fast, WAAAAY too fast, if you ask me. I don't want to growwww upppp. I seriously wish every day had more hours and that we all had the ability to relive memories in the flesh. Lately I've been wondering if I'm doing what I can to be the best person I can be. I still have that whole destiny thing stuck in my head. I wouldn't want to spend the last two years of high school letting opportunities slip by and making wrong decisions. To be honest, I always had this little plan for life - a perfect life that people in fairy tales live. I wanted to have a high school sweetheart (like Jed's parents, Natalie's parents, and so many other old couples I know). I'd go to UCLA to be a doctor, and get my Ph.D. I'd work at City of Hope, and my little sweetheart would be a scientist or a doctor as well. We'd get married at the age of 26, on the day that we officially got together, and our honeymoon would be in Italy. Then, we'd spend the next three years traveling and being successful and living life the way life should be lived. We'd have our first child, a boy, at age 30, and a girl sometime in the next three years. And we'd all live happily ever after. Fairy tale, right? The thing is that I'm not afraid to keep on believing I'll have this life. I KNOW people this happy. I SEE older couples happily in love, retired in a nice house, and never regretting a day of their life. It's just so hard to believe that I have the chance of growing old like that. I feel like a queer, talking this far into the future. But time is flying by oh, so fast. My dream - my ULTIMATE dream - is to be able to say on my dying day that I lived a truly happy life. But what steps do I have to take right now to fulfill that?

I'll be your number one with a bullet.

Dear Fall Out Boy, please go back to your old self. Sigh.

Anyway, last night was probably one of the most boring nights of my life, and I really do mean it. The whole rant I had with myself about destiny and how each little thing we do has the ability to change your whole life made me realize I needed to start doing some crap with my life. I couldn't sing because my dad was in the house, but I hadn't been able to really sing with soul lately. Then, I took the cover off of my piano and tried playing, but everything just frustrated me. Minutes after, I walked into the living room and picked up November, but I couldn't seem to even WANT to strum her. I started doing homework, but gave up when I didn't get it because of my absence. And then I took out my drawing pad and started sketching something - I don't know what - and ended up snapping my sketch pencil in half. It still works though, haha. I even went to the kitchen and started throwing things off the shelves, thinking of something to cook or bake, but we ran out of real milk... so there goes just about every desert I know how to make and I wasn't going to start using the chocolate soy milk we had left. I swear, I couldn't do ANY of the things I used to love to do yesterday. All that kept popping up in my mind was to run away and go shopping or something. Most. Boring. Night. Of. My. LIFE. Seriously. I ended up watching reruns of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody! Ugh.