I thought I loved you, but it's just how you looked in the light.

So, dearest readers, hello. How are you? Good? That's good. I woke up in a rather cheery mood. Actually, in a rather... eccentric mood. When I went downstairs to make breakfast, I started pointing at things and talking to them. I was talking to a jar of mayonnaise and asking it if it were bad or not. Oh, and I started singing... or repeating the word "sandwich" to various keys while spreading the mayo on the bread. Then I took out the new salami and started singing the Oscar Mayer song, but that's not bad. Then I sat and watched Mr. Deeds, and during that, I took a banana and started picking it up and going "Banana phone?" HAHA, AND THEN, I went upstairs and asked my dad if I could buy a used car. I remember asking if we could buy more ice cream too, and if I can borrow his credit card to buy a faux suede bag online. And then he threw a pillow at me, and I threw one back. But then when I threw the pillow, I hit my wrist with my cell phone in the other hand, and now part of my wrist is all bruised up. Like a banana when it fell over... (Inside joke) I had a dream... that white people and black people... and even Chinese people... Meh, I wanna meet Chris Tucker. So I actually did have a dream last night! And I remembered it, until I started typing this. And now I'm straining to remember it. Danggit.

(1:02 pm) ...
(1:04 pm) ...
Gah. I can't remember it.
(1:05 pm) NONONO I REMEMBER! Okay, I remember being on a boat and there being a beauty pageant. And then there was a talent portion or something, and I was dancing and doing these super long pirouettes... And that's all I remember of that dream. OHH WAITTTT... OKAY, and then the dream shifted into another dream and I had like... a date I guess with some guy (I knew the guy, just not going to say the name cause it's really random) and we were going to this place... but I forgot the place... I just remember everyone we knew being there, and my aunt was walking around. And then he kissed me even though we hardly knew each other, and my aunt saw and I felt bad because I tell her everything about my life except for him, and yeah. And then me and my date went around the party or whatever and everyone I knew was there. Then I looked behind me and the person I was out with shifted into Christine Poon. Yes, random. I swear, the people that I'm with in my dreams are ALWAYS the most random people in the world. Oh, then I think some more stuff happened but I remember the dream shifting again and I was just watching some stranger (this time I didn't know him, inside the dream and in real life) break dance. Mhm. I find it odd that I actually remembered my dream this time (or part of it).


The following are facts of my life that for some reason, I want to share. I suddenly feel the need to let some more things be known about me.

Fact: I used to be told in 6th grade by Ashley, Giselle, and Veronica that I was too girly and I wanted to beat the crap out of them. And that was when I stopped wearing so much pink.

Fact: When I was little, I used to watch the Spice Girls movie over and over again and dance in front of the TV, wishing I would grow up to be a good singer and dancer.

Fact: I remember when I was five or so, I had a hamster named Jasmine, after Princess Jasmine from Aladdin, and one night, I was playing with her and she bit me really hard on the thumb that it was bleeding for an hour. After that night, I was really traumatized and refused to play with her or feed her since then. She died a few months later and my dad told me it was because he forgot to feed her, but I found out a few years ago that he lied to me and she was sick.

Fact: So you know how my house is really scary right? Cause I'm always alone in the house and there's only me and my dad living in the five-bedroom house? So, sometimes I talk to myself when I have to walk through the house at night to keep myself from "feeling" spirits.

Fact: I never feel like I sing good enough.

Fact: In 6th grade, I went to my first solo workshop for choir, and when I sang, Veronica and Ashley told me not to sing that way and I quit. But then I got all the solos I wanted in 7th and 8th grade when I decided not to listen to them and boosted my confidence. I honestly never forgot how hurt I was when they told me that. I must admit, I always felt super smug when I got the solos.

Fact: I used to hate rock/punk/screamo/acoustic alternative and only listen to hip hop/rap/soul/r&b. Now it's the other way around.

Fact: Even though I'm scared of the bugs when I'm sleeping, I always cry every time we go back home from camping. And every night that we spend camping, tears well up in my eyes when I look up and see the stars because the night sky in in the mountains is just about the most beautiful thing in the world.

Fact: Tears just welled up in my eyes typing that part about the sky.

Fact: At times, I wish I had the power to have my whole life on video or something, and be able to flash back to a certain day and relive it over and over again. Normally I'd want to go back to freshman year and relive the days I spent with ....

Fact: Hannah and I had this "singing group" thing in fourth and fifth grade called "Young Sensation" and we had a whole butterfly notebook full of songs we wrote. I think I lost it... The only song I remember (melody and lyrics included) was one I wrote called "Lost" and the lyrics were like... "I am lost, out in the wilderness. Lost, yes that's where I am. Free, maybe not. But I'm still ruled over... lost." Gosh, talk about cheesy (This was before I read poetry and so you must understand the really shallow and under analyzed lyrics). I remember Hannah and I would sing our songs on the bus, and we even figured out this harmony thing with Lost.

Fact: Every time my dad asks me, "When you're older and your mom comes knocking on your door, begging for money, you're not going to give her any, right?" I want to say I won't give her any with confidence, but honestly... I don't think I'd be emotionally strong enough to slam the door on her. I always think about that... whether or not the hurt that she has done to me would be enough for me to really hate her.

Fact: I remember when I said no when aalskdjfs asked me to a school dance in 6th grade, and I said some lame excuse only because I was too embarrassed to even be near him because I blushed all the time (Ohhhh Ashley and Giselle used to tortureee meee for the way I blushed with the slightest glance at him).

Fact: RARELY, I repeat RARELY, I actually regret (gasp, the R word!) the way I hurt some of the guys I did.

Fact: HAHAHAHA, IN 6TH GRADE, I once got up from my seat too fast that my skirt flew up and the guy I had a crush on saw my underwear (it was pale blue. I REMEMBER!!!!). HAHAHAHAHA. OH MY GOSH, I didn't know... so I didn't blush.

Fact: Confession ---> I get jealous for rare reasons, but one of them is when people share my interests and act all obsessed about it. Like how I totally loved Hellogoodbye before any of you knew about them. And Here In Your Arms was my favorite song since 2006, OKAAAAY? ._____.

Fact: I've never seen or tasted zuccini... So I really don't know if I'll be able to tell the difference between zuccini and cucumber when I finally see one.

Fact: If it weren't for the fact that being in the mountains for too long would give me an asthma attack because of the air pressure, I would live there for the rest of my life.

Fact: I've never met anyone with a more beautiful mind than Glenda Hilliard.

Fact: The only reason Valentines' Day hurts so much is because as each day approaches, it's just one day further away from the wonderful Valentines' Day that I spent with him. Basically, Valentines' Day represents my whole happiness of when I was with him.

Fact: I try with all my might to show my flaws, like the whole jealous thing up there, to the world in hopes that everyone will accept me for that and people will learn to be themselves more often. But sadly, I've realized that most people just become more cynical when a person admits their mistakes.

Fact: "You never forget your first true love." And pathetic as it sounds, I would run straight back to him in a second.