Take me baby or leave me.

No, that title is not a Fall Out Boy one liner. I've actually had RENT songs stuck in my head all day.

Sigh. I don't know what to do with my health anymore. This is terrible. The medicine I took this morning didn't help at all today. If anything, I felt way better last week before I had six medications. I painted about a million silhouettes for class council today, and oh goshhhh, I felt like dying after. I'm so exhausted, but I refuse to shun my duties as a representative. I had a terrible fever in third period Beeken's, and by sixth period Zhou's I had another one. I can't handle thisss. I'm going to DIEEE!!! I should just get home schooled or something. Haha.

So last night I watched the movie Mirrors. It was the first movie since the Grudge to really scare me. I don't know why. Haha. But anyway, I woke up at 2 am this morning and couldn't sleep until 4 because (one) I felt so sick, and (two) I was terrified of looking into the big closet-sized mirrors that were right beside my bed. TERRIFIED. Hahah... I spent the two hours of my awakening facing the opposite side so I'd be looking at a wall instead. Oh, and I used one of my pillows as a border or something to cover up the place where the mirrors should have been if I were to look.

While I was waiting to fall asleep, I thought about graduating and high school. It's all coming too fast, WAAAAY too fast, if you ask me. I don't want to growwww upppp. I seriously wish every day had more hours and that we all had the ability to relive memories in the flesh. Lately I've been wondering if I'm doing what I can to be the best person I can be. I still have that whole destiny thing stuck in my head. I wouldn't want to spend the last two years of high school letting opportunities slip by and making wrong decisions. To be honest, I always had this little plan for life - a perfect life that people in fairy tales live. I wanted to have a high school sweetheart (like Jed's parents, Natalie's parents, and so many other old couples I know). I'd go to UCLA to be a doctor, and get my Ph.D. I'd work at City of Hope, and my little sweetheart would be a scientist or a doctor as well. We'd get married at the age of 26, on the day that we officially got together, and our honeymoon would be in Italy. Then, we'd spend the next three years traveling and being successful and living life the way life should be lived. We'd have our first child, a boy, at age 30, and a girl sometime in the next three years. And we'd all live happily ever after. Fairy tale, right? The thing is that I'm not afraid to keep on believing I'll have this life. I KNOW people this happy. I SEE older couples happily in love, retired in a nice house, and never regretting a day of their life. It's just so hard to believe that I have the chance of growing old like that. I feel like a queer, talking this far into the future. But time is flying by oh, so fast. My dream - my ULTIMATE dream - is to be able to say on my dying day that I lived a truly happy life. But what steps do I have to take right now to fulfill that?