You have stolen my heart.

I'll never know until I try. Try, try, try again. I'm blindly learning to ride a bike. A bike that I've tried to balance on, but fell off thrice. How long did it you to ride a bike? Sometimes it takes years, sometimes days. The same with love, you'll never know if it's worth or not worth it until the day you know it's over, the day your bike breaks down. And that's when, that's the only time when you know for sure to try a new bike.

So here's my situation. The first bike in front of me is the very first bike I've ever had, the one I keep trying to learn to ride, but maybe... I don't know, one of the wheels is flat and maybe it's just won't work out with me. The second bike is beautiful, brand new, but doesn't have the possessive sentimentality that the first bike has. Still, you can't help wondering... Maybe you can fix that broken wheel and with a few MORE tries, you realize it's the perfect bike for you! Then again, maybe after fifty tries, the bike won't be worth it at all, and you'd have to try that beautiful new bike and find out THAT's the bike for you.

The trouble with life is that YOU. NEVER. KNOW. You never, ever, ever, ever, EVER know. NEVERRRRRR. I know that I give people too many chances, and that I don't care about my feelings as much as I should. But honestly, I wouldn't mind getting hurt a million times if I knew that in the end, after several changes, I'd be happy.

I've begun to think that maybe, there isn't such thing as fate. If you've read my former blogs, I once talked about how I believed God laid out a map for us, which have millions of forks along the way, for us to choose. But now, I've been seeing things so differently. A little after I wrote that post, I talked about how maybe there isn't a RIGHT and WRONG in the world; that we were born on this Earth to be different and create our own reason for living; that maybe instead of having "destiny" and "fate", it is us, each individual human being, that creates life for our own; that there is no way something is "supposed to be" and that our views and things that we call "facts" are just mere opinions that have been put to the test based on the factors of even more opinions. I question life a lot in that sort of sense much more than I ever have. And I know I'll never get an answer.

Anyway, what I'm going with this is that, now, I think that God gave us life to LIVE and to be ourselves. We're probably more different than we ever imagine. Values, customs, religion, etc - they're not nearly as important as our individual thoughts. WE create our "destiny". WE create our own sense of Right and Wrong. WE create our own religion. So what I'm saying is that in the end, we'll never know what was "meant to be". I'll never know if I should have kept that first bike, or moved on to the brand new bike. I want to uncover as many of life's mysteries as I can (based on MY own personal rubric) so I live a life that I know is mine and not God's, or destiny's, or whatever. God gave me the brain to think; He gave me the lungs to breathe; and He gave me the heart to feel. It is Him that granted me permission to make myself my own.

So understand me when I say that I'm confused and don't know who to choose, because when so many people walk, they look at what's before them. I see what's beyond the horizon, and all the possibilities that remain to be uncovered, many of which I will never ever uncover in my lifetime.