I did all I could, and I gave everything. But you had to go your way, and that road was not for me.

I'd rather be upset and angry and hating all of you, rather than crying and sobbing every night - rather than being depressed and loving you when you don't love me back. You told me you loved me last night, and I saw your Tweets. I understand you, and I love you, and I am ALWAYS here for you. But I have to stop being so weak and sad. I HAVE to lie to myself and pretend to hate everything you did to me just so I can survive this.

Today I cried so much telling my aunt what happened, and we talked for about an hour about it. It's one thing to get advice from your friends, and it's another to get advice from a person that has been through so many things, and still stands strong. My aunt is one of those independent women, because she told me that if there was one thing Lola Ching taught those three girls, it was to learn to stand alone, to be STRONG. My aunt said I have a very strong personality, and I can be strong. I WILL be strong. I can survive this. I just have to remember what she said.

Don't be jealous. She told me of how she was with a guy for four years throughout high school, and when they went to different colleges, there was this girl in his club that he started going out with. She didn't know, but one of her friends told her. But the thing is that she wasn't jealous. She decided that she shouldn't be jealous because if the guy would do that, he's not worth being jealous for. It made so much sense. She wasn't jealous because it proved that he didn't love her, even though they were together for four years. She told him, "OKAY, for one week, you can't talk to me or communicate with me in any way whatsoever, and you can't talk or see that girl either. If you do, that's it. That's over." He said, "Okay, I promise." She said, "This is a PROMISE. You have to take your word." And so that week, another friend came up to her and told her that he was out with her and so my aunt confronted him again and said "Didn't you make a promise? And you broke it. So that's it. It's over." And he said that he won't ever do it again, but she told him that she means what she says. So it was over. And eventually he got with that girl. But he broke up with her after a little while because he realized he missed her, took her for granted He started going to all of my aunt's family and friends, and even though my aunt tried ignoring him and saying no, when he came to her mom, my Lola Ching, she told my aunt to give him just one more chance because it was four years. And so she did.

Two weeks later, they were at the movies watching a movie, and he kissed her. And she said there was NOTHING at all. There were no bells ringing, but it didn't even feel like home. It felt dry and disgusting. So she told him that their love was no longer the same because of all that has happened, and that was the end of it. TO THIS DAY, that man still checks up on my aunt, to see if she's okay, because he was best friends with my aunt's sister's husband (my other aunt). And to this day, his wife is still jealous of my aunt because she knows that my aunt was his first REAL love, and you can never forget that.

You were my first REAL love. Know that. You can go on and think you know what love is, until you experience something else and realize that THAT is how love is supposed to be.

Anyway, my Auntie Melody told me that all these things can be thrown at us, but they're just the spices of life. If you have one goal, you won't be confused by all those things that life tries to throw at you. If you really have one goal, then nothing could harm you as you make your way to it. Things can sting sometimes, but it's not going to stop you. If you had that one goal to be happy with me, that girl coming into your life would not have messed everything up. Don't you realize that? Don't you SEE? When you met her last week, Friday or Saturday (I forgot which one), everything fell apart. Because she was one obstacle that knocked you off the road of our relationship. You LET her in, and you're confused. You TOLD ME, you didn't have feelings for her, and I believed that, despite what you said about the way she looks at you. That guy that was with my aunt said "I like her, but I love you." And she told him it just doesn't work that way. You pick one or the other. Two choices. You can't be confused. And love, you are confused, and you told me that so many times. You don't know it yet, but you do have feelings for her. OR ELSE you wouldn't have stopped wanting to spend time with me. You wouldn't have wanted to spend every second with her. You get it? You don't know it, or maybe you do by now, but you have feelings for both of us.

And I won't take that for an answer.

My aunt said you're at the age where situations like these confuse people, when they don't know what to do. She knows that I know what to do. I know that I know what to do. These things don't confuse me because all I know is that I love you, and that's all I care about. I have justification for doing all of this. I HAVE these texts to justify my feelings, from BOTH of you guys.

Melanie: "The only thing I did, was be there for him when he needed to talk to me and completely understand him. I connected with him in a completely different level cause he opened up to me. That's all I did. I'm not going to say anything. I'm sorry."

Then I told you, Dillon, that anyone can be there for another person. Anyone can listen to another person's problems. She's not the only one that can understand. I understand too. So you say...

Dillon: "No, not anyone can talk. You don't understand that. I went to her when things got rough, that's why she said that."

So after my aunt broke up with the guy, she cried for a month and lost so much weight. And she realized... if that boyfriend of hers was happy with that girl, then she deserved to be happy too. If YOU'RE happy not being with me, then I'm happy for you. And I shouldn't miss you or be sad or cry or any of that. I should be happy for myself. I should pull myself together and go out and move along. And if you miss me like that guy missed my aunt, then maybe I'll give you another chance. But my aunt said that as long as that girl is in the picture, there's hardly a chance we will get back together successfully - not if you would rather spend time with her than me.

Don't tell me you love me, you liar. If you love me, and ONLY me, you would put an effort into this. I'm through with letting you get me down. Can't live with or without you. She showed up and everything fell apart. Nothing was wrong until she showed up. You know that. You KNOW that.

My aunt said it will hurt for a while, but that's the best thing for me. All I have to remember is what you did to me. All I have to remember is the pain you caused me, how you broke my heart. You're confused, but you shouldn't be. You told me that night when I asked you "if you had two phones and we called you at the same time, would you answer me or her?" You said YOU of course. But when I asked you to hang out and you were given the chance to hang out with her, you chose her. Three times. Three times. THREE FUCKING TIMES. You LIAR.

You remember what you said Thursday night?
You: There's another reason why I wanted to hang out with Nick and them...
Me: What?
You: Melanie.
Me: What? ... Do you like her?
You: No... it's just the way she makes me feel. She makes me feel...
Me: Wanted.
You: Yeah...
Me: (something like) Like how? Does she hug you? Or compliment you? (Blahblahblah I dont' remember the exact words.)
You: The way she looks at me.
Me: -blank stare-
You: She looks at me the way you used to.

Letting you go is the best thing I have ever done for myself. If I didn't, then I'd just be hurting myself even longer. If I LET YOU WALK ALL OVER ME, then I'd only be breaking my own heart. If I stayed quiet when you wanted to spend time with her and not me, then I'd only be bottling up so much pain until I burst.

I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU. But this person you are right now, this confused person, THIS ISN'T YOU. The person I fell in love with said all those things in your blogs and your songs. The person I fell in love with loved spending time with me and knew that I loved them with all my heart. The person I fell in love with told me that there was no girl better than me. So if someday, I can meet THAT person again, maybe we can try. But I can't count on it happening. I don't want to set myself up for failure again.

Baby... Babe... Love, I love you. But you're no longer you anymore, and I can't love this new person that would only tear my heart into a million pieces.