If I could,

I would tell you how much I love you. But I can't. I can't call you anything but your name. I want to scream until my lungs rip. I want to tear my head off and feed it to the dogs. I want to grab a butcher knife and stick it right where my heart is anatomically supposed to be, just so there can be something there. I have SO MUCH built up anxiety, it's UNBEARABLE. I CAN'T DO THIS. I can't handle this pain and misery. I need... you. I can't control myself from saying I love you, or I miss you, or I need you. I can only mutter it oh-so-softly every time I hit the little white button on my phone when I send you a text. I CAN'T GET THROUGH THIS. Why does life have to be so difficult? I can't just be your friend. This is much too excruciating.

Help me.