Arnel Pineda

You amaze me.
Philip Nolasco is your mini-me!

Folie A Deux: Fall Out Boy

Totally disappointing.
It's not bad, I just don't like their change in style.
From Under the Cork Tree was amazing, I loved that pure rock essense. And they had the best one-liners.
Then Infinity on High was pretty great, but again, it was a different style.

Folie A Deux is okaaaay. Some really good songs, but they're no longer in my highest praises. It's so... pop-ish. The lyrics are still good though, just not fantastic. Oh, and I hate the staccato singing! It's like "You. Can. Bow. And. Pretend...". The songs where Patrick sings all low is so.. ugh. I did notice that his voice dramatically improved since Take This To Your Grave; it's waaaay more stable. But now he's trying all these jazzy techniques and now it's not the Patrick voice I love. Dearest Mr. Andy Hurley's drumming is still amazing though.

I like Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes; What a Catch, Donnie; Coffee's For Closers; 20 Dollar Nosebleed.
Coffee's For Closers is the song closest to their old style so naturally, I love it. Patrick sang in his high range for this song, so I love it even more. And the violin ending is different, but cute.
Oh, 20 Dollar Nosebleed actually made me laugh at the beginning. It's just sooo different! So indie. It's such an adorable song.
Oh well, overall, I would say this album is a 7. Unless compared to From Under the Cork Tree, cause then it would be a 1. I still love you Fall Out Boy :)

I'll be your best kept secret, and your biggest mistake.

Why does everyone

seem to hate me?
GOD.
How many times do I have to say I HATE MY LIFE?!?!

Yet another miserable birthday.

Welcome to my life. I need a best friend. Like a REAL best friend. All that have been close to me do not bother trying to stay that way. Those that I thought knew at least the MONTH of my birthday (because I've been close to them since elementary) believe me when I say that my birthday's in February. Woopdeedoo, I've held my tongue all day, trying not to cuss. I just want ONE person to be there for me, to just REMEMBER my God forsaken birthday.

HONESTLY, I don't even know why I care all of a sudden who cares about me. Since when did I depend on people to make me happy to keep me sane? I've had to take care of myself alone since I was six right? Alone in that big, empty house every night until my dad comes home at 11 or midnight? Nobody has ever taken care of me but my dad. And he's never even around. When I'm sick in my bed from asthma and a family member tries to help, I shut them out because I don't need anyone to rely on. I try and try not to set myself up for disappointment - to not get too close to anyone because I know someday they'll leave me. Like my mother did.

But I WANT somebody to care. If John can't be around me as much as I'd like, I'm absolutely fine with that, cause I can go talk to my best friend. But now that I think about it... What best friend? I don't think I'll ever have a best friend. A REEEEEEALLLL best friend... One that cares about me and who won't ditch me like all my former so-called best friends have.

Gosh, I sound so selfish right now. I need someone to talk to.

Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza .

I am in love with "The Prayer" even more. I remember I first fell in love with that song four years ago, when the version with Josh Groban and Charlotte Church came out. Now, I don't really care since I've heard a bunch of Josh Groban and Andrea Bocelli versions (with different female guests). I swear, I cry when I get into it. I don't even know why I'm posting a blog about this.
Dong and I planned a month ago or so that we'd record covers. HEY DONGADONG, IF YOU'RE READING THISSSSS, LET'S RECORD "THE PRAYER"! :D
Haha, okie dokie artichokie. I have five sections of Beeken notes due on my birthday, and tomorrow I have to bake for class council and make a few calls for the food fair.
Woohoo, I'm swimming in a pool of ticking clocks. Talk about pressure :3

OOOOH, YOU KNOW WHAT GOT ME SOOOO UPSET TODAY?!?! I said a few weeks ago that I plan to get AT LEAST one 100% on Maroun's tests cause I'm always, always, ALWAYS so close and then, we got our latest tests back and you know what I got?!?! 83 OUT OF 85. DANG FLABBITTTTT.

As you may have the capability to tell, I'm not at all depressed about my Lola's death. I just remember that at this exact moment, she's with my Lola Pio, probably smiling down on me. I love you Lola! :)

RIP Lola Ching, 5:58 am

I love you. I can't imagine how life is going to be without you. I'm pretty sure the last thing I said to you while you were living was "Bye, Lola" when I was leaving Auntie Melody's house after watching Kung Fu Panda last Sunday. When I visited you yesterday afternoon, I had the highest hopes that you'd be okay. Now I know that you really are okay, because you're in a better place. My dad got a text from Uncle Boboy this morning at 8:38 and when he told me, I jumped up and told my dad to hurry to the hospital. I walked into the hospital room, 323(a), and saw Auntie Melody, Ate Rona, Auntie Gypsy and Nana Sacing. I had already been crying before I left the house, but when I walked in and saw everyone crowded around you, I started wailing. We love you, Lola. I am so very happy that you're with Lolo Pio now, and your mother and father. Auntie Melody told me that when you were in the hospital, you were raising your arms up to the ceiling and trying to reach something. Auntie Melody said, "What's up there?" and Auntie Gypsy said, "Papa". Lola, I miss you so much. I never thought you would die from a stroke now, three days before my birthday. You know, I realized that I never knew anything about you. I didn't know your favorite color or what you thought about my haircut, or any of those silly things. I'll always remember how warm your face felt when I touched you, and how minutes later, your body cooled. I'll never forget your face while you were lying literally lifeless in that hospital bed - with your mouth slightly open. You were wearing fake teeth, for once, and we were all laughing about it. I was thinking "It looks like she's smiling", and I felt so relieved that you were at peace. Are you happy in heaven? I wish I knew. I'll see you someday. Be sure to tell me everything :)

I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me.

I visited my grandma in the hospital. She got moved out of ICU (Intensive Care Unit) so I'm so glad. When I went up to her room alone, I brought red carnations with me and a get well soon card. My Nana Sacing was up there too, and when I walked in, Lola Ching was sleeping. I couldn't help but feel so overwhelmed with guilt for not coming to see her sooner. I wish I could've stayed longer, had my dad not been waiting in the lobby for his turn to go up (2 people in the room at a time). So yeah... She's going to be alright, I know it. When I saw her in the bed with those beeping IV machine thingies (or whatever you call them), she felt so fragile and I didn't want to do anything to wake her up. I just wanted to hug her and tell her I love her. Lola, please be okay.


On another note, a little piece of advice.
If I mean something to you, then say so.

So...

yesterday morning, my grandma fell down the stairs. She's in intensive care right now. I feel so bad because I haven't visited her in the hospital yet. I've prayed and prayed for her to be alright, and I hope she will be. She's almost 90. My grandma had been suffering from this terrible depression ever since my grandpa died about 8 years ago. I remember that he was in the hospital too, when he died and that I cried like a maniac during the funeral. I'm not going to let my grandma die. I love her to death. I've taken care of her for a long time once she got dimensia and couldn't talk. She wrestled with me, threw shoes at me, shouted at me, tackled me, done terrible things to me because she always refused to take her medicine, but that's what dimensia and depression does to you. I wonder if I won't be able to talk when I'm older too. All my grandma has said for the past 5 years was "Lalala" and the only actions she can do to indicate something is point. That's all it takes for me to love her. I don't care if she's not my grandmother by blood, I still love her. Lola Ching, Lola Ching... Please be okay.

Last night, something else hit me. I promised I wouldn't tell, and I won't. I just want to recognize something - I may be sensitive and cry to almost every little aspect of my life, but I'm stronger of a person than you are. I know you'll read this at some point, so don't act as if nothing happened. Stop running from your problems and realize that I am ALWAYS right next to you to talk to. Even though I don't like what you're doing, understand that I'm only thinking for what's best. You're stronger than this.

I apologize for not making any sense or for sounding very messy with my sentences right now. I haven't felt so distraught in about a month. Just when I feel like my life is going right, it just has to make a sharp U-turn and turn my life around.

Dear you,

I have had just about the most normal, and least exciting week ever.
Nothing to say.
Nothing to do.
I'm not really in the mood to think about things.
I haven't even meditated or practiced reiki in a longggg time.
I bet my candles are dusty too.
Buy me more reiki books for my birthday or Christmas, por favor.
I'm in such a whatever mood.
Ciaoooo.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone (:

I hope everyone's having fun.
I know I could be celebrating with my family, but something's wrong this year. They aren't doing anything. My dad's sleeping and is going to a friend's house for dinner... And well, my grandparents are just sitting on the couch... My uncle's not home cause he's working... And my aunt, hmmm, who knows what she's doing.

I want to thank my daddy, for being both a mother and father to me since my mom left. Thank you for loving me for the disoriented and always-sad person I am, for always taking care of me and allowing me to be your little daddy's girl when I am incapable of looking out for myself, for working until 11 every night to give me a better future, and for having me as your daughter, as maddening I can be.

I want to thank my mother, for giving birth to me and at least visiting me a few times in my life. I'm sorry that you haven't come to visit me in almost 4 years and that I sometimes seem scrutinizing. No matter what you have done in the past, you're still my mommy and I will always love you.

I want to thank the Lord for giving me the world, for everything that I've ever experienced and for the things I have yet to. Thank you for making everything I know of, and I am sorry that I have not appreciated the things in my life as much as I could have.

I want to thank my Auntie Melody for being my second mother and for raising me. Thank you for the principles you have taught me that my world revolves around, for not being the "normal parent" that tells you what to do, but instead leaving the world as my playground and for me to explore. Thank you for showing me that I must be who I am and love it, that I should never regret doing things, and teaching me what's right and wrong.

I want to thank my Uncle Boboy for showing me that I can still be philosophical and passionate while being logical. For always pushing me to do my hardest in all fields and for recognizing talent in me. Thank you for loving me for the "little tweet" I am and allowing me time to expand my two cylinders into five. Thank you for being my academic role model - you are the reason I want to be the best leader I can be - and thank you for knowing that I can do amazing things in this world.

I want to thank Lola Rebecca for being the helpful, sweet, caring, and sometimes-annoying grandma that I know and love. You have helped my father and I through too many financial problems to count and I KNOW that I would be living in the streets if it weren't for you. I'm sorry that I can act very meanly when I'm in a bad mood or when I'm sick, but I honestly appreciate you for taking care of me when I don't even need to be taken care of. You have taught me the meaning of generosity.

I want to thank Lolo David for simply being my grandfather. Your success has brought me to realize that I can actually be something in the Paraiso family. I love you for being who you are, even though you are just about the most serious and stiff person I know. You have taught me the meaning of obedience and self-control.

I want to thank my Auntie Tessie for helping me realize that I may actually be loved and needed in this life. Thank you for always being sweet and never discriminating or biased.

I want to thank John Joseph Banaag for giving me reason to live, for loving me, and for making me fall in love with you. Thank you for being the most amazing person I have ever met and for making me feel like I am more than that boring and unacknowledged person I was before I met you on September 25, 2007. You've brought the meaning of true happiness to my life and transformed me from a living robot into a real human being. You are the reason I have compassion and hope for the world. You really are my life, and the reason why I do anything. Thank you for being my inspiration to live.

I want to thank GG Hilliard for rekindling my love for singing and piano. You have inspired me to be the best person I can be, whether it is knowledge-wise, talent-wise, or simply moral-wise. Among the many people I have met or known of in my life, you are the one that has exceeded all others in different aspects. Your unbelievable talent for the arts and your passion for life is just about the most inspiring thing I have ever witnessed in a person. The fact that you're close to 75 years old and that you may be moody affects me none at all. Your health defects have never stopped you from doing what you love, and from the bottom of my heart, I look up to you. I want to be as talented, passionate, and courageous as you. Thank you for showing me all the hidden beauty in the world.

And lastly, I want to thank the friends I have in my life that are always there to cheer me up. Thank you for filling up the empty spaces in my heart.

I've always given much thought

to what my purpose in this world is, and every single time I would figure out the same "cheesy" (by other people's standards) conclusion:

I live to inspire hope- to help people in a way that others can't by just simply giving money to charities or by donating this or that to homeless people. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, because I do that too, but I want to help people in a more personal way. Singing at the City of Hope hospital for the first time in two months (due to no time to go there) made me realize that singing to a sick and dying patient can really turn their world upside down. You, my dear reader, most likely have not first-handedly sung to cancer patients. When you walk into the desolate halls and peer through the windows of the patients whom you're about to sing to, you can easily notice the blank, lifeless faces. And once we open our book to find some song to sing, one of their family members in the room with them (if there are any) opens the door with this look of awe that people of such spirit are actually allowed into the hospital to sing once a month. When you're singing TO a patient, singing that song specifically for that one single person, and you see their faces light up, you will understand what it means to give- to give hope. Some patients cry with joy, and some patients smile like all is right in the world, but no matter what their reaction is, you KNOW that a little candle of hope was just set on fire through looking at their faces. You KNOW that you can do so much in this world just by singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" (inserting their favorite baseball team, of course). It truly is touching when you know that you have helped a person realize that even though they are in the Intensive Care section of the hospital, there IS hope. Hope is an unimaginably strong word, and I can honestly say that I live for it.

My life is full of crap; really, it is. I break down about every day, but I'm never afraid to open up to people that I hardly even breathe a word to. I have nobody in my life; my mother is who-knows-where and my good ol' dad works until 11 or midnight (not to mention other curses of my life that are completely irrelevant to my point). I have to suffer in that bare white, 4-bedroom, 3-bathroom, 2-story house ALONE (with my fish Nemo, too) and I cannot call THAT my home because your home is where your heart is. My heart is in the air we breathe and the soil we walk on. The world is my home, and everyone's duty is to take care of their home, right? To maintain it and to keep it clean and to make it a better place, etc? I live to take care of my home and the other people living in it. And if that means I have to sing to dying cancer patients or travel to Africa and volunteer as a health aide, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd die to help this planet in any way possible. I live for you. I really do.

As I've said today to two very good friends of mine, it is the terrible experiences in our lives that make us stronger people. I must be pretty darn strong then.

FAAAAAAAAAAILURE

I'M DISTRESSED :(
B IN BEEKEN.
B IN SPANISH
B IN ENGLISH
B IN ALGEBRA (I THINK)
OH.
MY.
GOSH.
I can't raise my grade up for Beeken, Spanish is over too, English... well Mr. Emigh hasn't updated the grades for almost 3 weeks so I'm not really sure what I have. And algebra, I'm 99% sure I have a B since I never do homework.

My life is a burning pit of sugar. Once so sweet, and now SMELLY.
(If you've ever burned sugar, you'd know how bad it smelled)
Haha.
Damsel in distress here. I need four A's to save me.

Bah.

So last Wednesday was my first day babysitting. Fun! No really. Haha, I just didn't have any homework that night so I was basically watching Hannah Montana the whole time.
Friday was Tiffany Chao's birthday "celebration". Dinner + cue = FUNFUNFUN! Plus, those freaky cats at Tiffany's house (10pm) = FUNFUNFUNFUN!
Today is Monday, and in 45 minutes I'm gonna babysit again.

I sound like such a queer.
I drew a mustache and a goatee on my fingers today.
I'm obsessed with 3 Musketeers. I realized that I really am.
I want ice cream.
I'm such a fatty. I gain fat and such but for some reason my weight is still 102 and it always has been for the past year and a half. WEIRDDD!
I'm gonna eat.
Food is my lifeeee <3
Goodbye.

There is nobody

there to listen to my problems. Why am I always alone?

I hate my life. The stress my uncle, my dad, my teachers in school, and my voice teacher puts on me is too much. Not to mention myself.

My dad wants me to maintain the house, cook, clean, blahblahblah.
My uncle wants me to go to COH and voice lessons and stop going to class council and any other extra curricular things.
My teachers, although not directly to me, give so much homework.
Gigi wants me to keep on coming to COH on Mondays, private voice lessons on Saturdays, and now come to her Tuesday class and the Music Workshop every month.
Then there's me, who WANTS to continue singing at the hospital, getting voice lessons, staying for class council, keeping up in my club presidency, cleaning up the house, taking care of my poor and becoming-cripple dad, and STILL getting a 4.5 gpa at the same time.

Stress. Stress. Stress. It was fine for me when all these were just options. But when I HAVE to do all this? I can't handle anything. My two best friends are distant from me. Nobody is thereeeee.

I'm screaming louder than I ever have for help, and nobody can hear me. I need somebody. Preferrably, you.

I can call you baby doll all the time.

So last night, I was so totally stressed with the author study, and so many of us were on AIM trying to finish before midnight. Well then I found out this morning that it was due tonight at midnight, and I'm just like, "oh woop dee doo" cause I could have been doing my Beeken homework instead. Oh, and speaking of Beeken homework, I thought that we could turn it in after school, like with most assignments we do, but after the rally and having a good time, everyone told me and Shereen that he wasn't going to accept it and I wanted to smack the crap out of that man. But then I figured I'd be fine since I had an A+ in the first place and could just do extra credit to fix it if it really affected my grade.

Anywayyyy, the Renaissance rally was fun. I love saying "THAT'S MY COUSIN" and people not believing me just because Foley is white-looking. I really liked not going to class just to run through the short opener that I'm part of. Oh, and I especially loved the clubs dance! Amanda<3 (I love being a guy!) The electric slide at the end was okay. But the highlight of my day was after school, <3 :)

1, 2, 3, 4 - Plain White T's

oh my, landslide.

obama won!
by like, almost half electoral votes!
hooray, can't wait for january 20, 2009 :)
this news made my day.

Wilting

Take me away.
Right now.

hahahaha

i love SNL, but Tina Fey is absolutely wonderful playing in all her Palin sketches!!!

Death IS a beautiful thing.

Tell me that it's not. I often think about how I just want to die, to be free of all the pain I feel. Like an angel. I think about dying in the mountains, in one of those meadows that I always passed by near Mono Lake. I swear, I think that area is my favorite forest now. I want it to be a sunny day, as it usual is up there, with those winds that I remembered went at almost forty miles per hour. And I want to just lie there, in the middle of a huge meadow, looking up, and just DIE. From some illness, like cancer or something peaceful. It's a little funny - how to everyone I somehow am living matter, except for the person that I care about the most. It's times like these that I just wish all the problems in my life would go away, that I would just disappear, as if anyone would even notice. I'm invisible. A pesty speck of dirt that you have to carry on your shoulder. But only to you...

Ticking

The fact that everyday I come to school to not only see my friends, but to actually learn, depresses me a bit. Of all the things I may dislike, it's the fading away of my youth I may absolutely hate. I breathe to live a life I want to live, and it's just saddening how I can't even go through a day without feeling ANY negative emotions, whether they're feelings of remorse or just stress. If you truly think about it, we all live each moment wishing for another moment to come to pass, and we never really do anything to make the current moment the best it can possibly be. I don't want to live each day wishing to wake up the next morning and see my friends and then wishing to hang out with them and thennnn wishing to go to a party and so on. I don't know if I'm making any sense to you, but it sounds just right to me. I mean, we're all just ticking circadian clocks, aren't we? Just ticking until night falls when it sets back to zero, and for what? To wake up in the morning and start all over, as if the day before has not been worthwhile? I don't regret the terrible things I have experienced or the rude statements I have said to a single person, and I don't ever wish to erase those memories and start anew. We're like wedding cakes. If you mess up the bottom layer, you can always cover it up with a second one and most likely it will end up looking better. Am I right? I guess I sound a little vague saying this since I believe in "cleansing the mind, body, and spirit through meditation", but I don't see that as "removing stress or negative thoughts". I see it as changing them, evolving them into more beautiful and appreciative things. I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just want to say how much time really does fly by and how I'm not going to let anything stop me from doing the best I can with a moment. I grew up with an uncle who always told me to be productive, and I honestly love it when he says that now because I just think of the many people I know who spend time just lying in bed not even THINKING, while I'm pondering on why this or how that and et cetera, et cetera. Why do we, in "boring" situations, just look at the clock and watch the second hand slowly inch it's way around the clock when we all cry thinking about how high school goes by so fast? Do something.

Forever a dreamer,
DAROCATP

Homecoming!

Oh my gosh. That was amazing. The best dance I have EVERRRR gone to. They played more techno and electronica music than hiphop and thank goodness for that! I was a little depressed John wasn't there but I didn't let that get to me. I went crazy, crazyyy! towards the end and I can hardly remember who I danced with or how many times I got stepped on in the last hour. I have a bad scar on my second toe though from Kristina's stilettos. Oh well, it was amazing. Amazing! And I loved our little dance circle too and how we started the big one.

Oh today,

I love class council. I really do. I love everything about it, besides the fact that it takes time away from me, but that doesn't even matter that much. Beeken homework can wait! So today was fun fun fun. Very fun. Best skit rehearsal ever. I think it's cause we were so relaxed for most of the time, except for when we did the run-through's. Well anyway, yeah. I love how our school is so alive even when it's night already.

So tomorrow is late start + rally = hardly any class time. Yay! And after school = build homecoming float + practice + CCC potluck (if I can make it, which I doubt) + Homecoming game, if they need me. If not, I want to go watch HSM3, but Tiffany will be able to go and she's my HSM buddy!!! I also need to buy a homecoming dress tomorrow. And then a haircut on Saturday. Yay yay yay! I'm getting jittery (:

Love,
Spam Prancer the Dodo Cradle

proposition 8

* warning: inappropriate language may be used due to fury.

Read this. Seriously. Don't just skim through it. Think about it, and try to not be the heartless people you are.

Do you know what our country was purposed for? To be free, to be accepted, to be able to do what you want. In this democracy to this day, there are people that don't understand that. There is a time to separate religion for government. Why can't people just understand that homosexual people are regular people, and that it's completely senseless as to why their rights should be stripped. Now come on, give me THREE reasons why they should not be able to marry. Three REAL reasons. I can give more than three for why they shouldn't.

1. Our Constitution - "We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice..." and our Declaration - "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" This is America. If you don't believe in equality and human rights, move to another damn country.

2. They are all people, aren't they? How would you feel? Dare to tell me that these people aren't people. I dare you.

3. Are they hurting you? What have they done to deserve having their life ripped apart because of a lousy proposition? GO ON AND TELL WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO DESERVE THIS FOR SIMPLY BEING WHO THEY ARE. So you're pro-prop 8 because of your religion?!?! So what?!?!?! Can't you just leave those people alone? Leave those people be! They haven't done anything to you!

4. Religion is allowed to be practiced in this country, but you cannot just let the fact that the majority of the state is Catholic change the government. That's unfair and will lead to the downfall of our democratic republic. Religion should not make you a close-minded person.

5. Being gay/lesbian/bi is genetic. A person does not simply say "OH I'M GOING TO BE GAY FROM NOW ON". It's WHO. THEY. ARE. for Christ's sake.

6. Speaking of Christ, if you're voting for this because of your religion, remember that God created all people. Do you remember that? Now what?

7. What about the Golden Rule? Do unto others as you would have done unto you? Love thy neighbor? What goes around comes around? Treat others as you would want to be treated? What about that, hmmm?

8. How would you feel if you knew a person that was gay/lesbian? I'm sure many of you do. You see how happy these people are? They're just like us heterosexuals. Would it not crush your heart to see these people in the future all lonely and depressed just because of what YOU CRUEL AND TORTUROUS people have done?

9. Now tell me, what IS the difference between them and us - they're sexual preference? So what? They have feelings, like us. They smile, like us. They can love, like us. Why can't you understand?

I'm sure there's more reasons that I have already brought up in previous Myspace bulletins and in conversations with other people, but I've never really heard other people's side, besides "I'm Catholic" (John and Victoria). Do you have any other reasons? Legible reasons? I want to hear them.

Glenda H.

Today I went to my private voice class for the first time in a month. Can you believe that? A whole month without seeing my teacher, I haven't seen her on Mondays either because I haven't been going to City of Hope rehearsals either. Well anyway, we started singing On My Own and she noticed because my asthma is back, that I'm sounding breathy and she recommended me to see this one lung specialist, who she had been going to for so many years.

My teacher amazes me, I admit, at first, I had not believed she was an ice dancer, the piano student of a world renowned musician, in many famous plays, and could not call birds to her. But since I've been going to her private lessons, I've learned to respect her in such a way that I basically worship her for her talent. I have never seen nor heard anybody play piano the way she does. She has so many health problems, right now this muscle disease that she's had is flaring up (and it has no cure). I had to pull everything out for her because her muscles were too weak. She had to get half of her right lung surgically removed due to a birth defect where there were no arteries there. Well all the other things about her talents I believed and I already knew she WAS a "walking miracle" because when she had her right lung removed, they said she had only five years to live (she was 50). That was 23 years ago. GG is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She's my ultimate role model, she really is. I cry when I think how strong of a piano player and a singer she is now even though she's 73 years old.

Well anyway, we finished early and we saw a blue jay outside and decided to go out and feed her. I don't believe I have mentioned that my GG and Mark's house has this Native American thing going about it. They're full blooded Caucasians but you can see their love of Western American culture by walking around their house. Mark is a schoolteacher and is equally as talented in the arts as GG. He was an artist, as was GG, and was invited many years ago to take up a job concerning art (I forgot what specifically), but he refused it because he is a singer and had to take care of the sickly GG. Okay, anyway, Mark has drawings all over the house and they are simply ASTOUNDINGGGG. I can just stare at them forever and ever, crying because they're so beautiful. There's one in the living room with an eagle, and in the corner are Indians looking toward purple mountains (he named it America the Beautiful; make sense?). GG crochets and knits too. All over the house are sheets, slips, pot holders, etc all crocheted or knitted by her and the designs are AMAZING. AMAZING I TELL YOU. AMAZING. I will never forget these two in my lifetime.

Oh gosh, I got so off topic. So anyway, this morning we saw a blue jay, a girl one (GG knows her birds) and we walked outside and she was just skidding around the backyard. Then came two more, another girl and one boy. The boy I couldn't see because he was in the trees but he was bright blue while the girls were smaller and a darker blue. They're so beautiful. GG took some peanuts out from a can and threw them around the yard. After a while, they came out to grab them. We put some near the door so when we got back in the house, they would come get them and we could watch them (the back half of the house has no screens, only glass windows). She then talked about how fourteen different types of birds have come to their house before. That morning, there were doves there and once, a hawk came. I know they did, I saw pictures of them. Their backyard has this aura about it, it really does. It has this Native American feel to it because, I don't know, but it does. The Native Americans believed that when a hawk comes and circle above your home, it means good luck. That hawk keeps on coming back - it's no wonder GG is still alive, even with all her sicknesses, to this day.

I love GG (and Mark). I really, really do.

excited!

This whole week has been stressing me. I always feel down cause my whole life has to do with school, not like it's a bad thing. Student council is amazing; I wouldn't mind spending every day of my life there. I just wish there were more hours in the day so I could have some time for ME. I was on the verge of breaking down yesterday, no seriously, I was. Screaming at everyone, crying my eyes out, punching the door to my room. I couldn't take it anymore, but then there's that other side of me that knew I could, and I did. Well today completely turned my day upside down! Last week, I received a letter for recommendation for college financial aid and I was like "Oh okay! Woop dee doo!" cause it's not like I was guaranteed a scholarship. Today, however, I come home and see two letters with my name on them, one from Plan4College and the other from an anonymous but apparently prominent (judging by the elegant-looking envelope) organization inviting me to interview for more financial aid. I don't know what to do! I feel so happy! The thing is... it says that I am a freshman in one of the letters, probably because I skipped a grade and obviously they didn't know. I'm so happy though. The interviews are about 90 minutes, and I have a feeling that at every interview, I'll be asked the same questions and my daddy will get bored. Hahaha. Oh, wish my luck. No savings account whatsoever and I need these scholarships badly!

proposition 8.

I copied this off a Myspace bulletin I posted a few days ago.

So all week prop 8 has come up in conversations and it just pisses me off that devout Christians/Catholics are voting for it. I mean, come on, really? I'll say the most obvious reason why they shouldn't one more time.

God. made. all. people. ALL people.
ALL people, for crying out loud.

Read between the lines of the Bible and think logically. Have you heard of the Golden Rule? It's everywhere, even when not referring to religion. Treat others as you want to be treated. Love your neighbor as yourself.
What about that letcaliforniaring commercial, hm? Is it not inhumane to shun the rights people deserve to be given?
Beeken taught us the UN Declaration of Human Rights. What about that? Freedom freedom freedom.
Wouldn't you want that?
Did you know that being gay/lesbian is genetic? You don't just decide you want to be that. God wanted you to be that way.
Some gays and lesbians are Christian too, you know.
Many good and caring people are forgotten in this world just because of their sexual preference and that's not right, is it? Have you thought about that?
Discriminating against gay/lesbian/bisexual people is the EXACT same thing as discriminating people for their race, and don't say that it isn't, because you're wrongWRONGwrong.

Stop and think about it.
Now.

aggravatedddd

I was planning on coming to school with my bags of bottles for the WCHS recycling challenge (sophomores MUST win).
And I thought I only had 3, but I come home and I have 7, and they're overflowing so when I put them in newer bags so they can fit, there would be like 10.
I want to bring them tomorrow, so I started on one bag and opened it to clean the bottles since they've been in my backyard for like over six months.
And I have fruit trees in my backyard so there's lots of bugs.
So I was cleaning them with the hose and I see ants swarming out from the cracks in the floor cause of the water and they start climbing on my feet and I'm like washing them with the hose so now my jeans are all wet. And if they didn't climb on my feet, they went on the hose, climbing up to my hands, so now there's a bunch all over my arms and neck and every time I feel a tickle, I swat my skin. D:
This SUCKS. So I decided to stop since I started seeing other types of bugs, backyard bugs I don't even know the names of and that creeped me out. I don't know what to do!!! I need to bring all 700+ bottles to school by Friday. Tomorrow I have some serious bug issues to overcome. I mean, it's not like I'm living in Asia with all thoooooseeee bugs, so I pretty much have not much to be scared of. Oh boy, I hope there aren't any big ants living in the bags. Queen ant? ... naaaah. :|

It's been...

a busy month, and I'm sure that at the end of THIS month, I'll be laughing that I called September busy. I honestly have no clue how I would survive without listography. Without it, I'd probably be completely lost and unorganized. So a new month has begun, hmmm? October means- Halloween and Homecoming. All month I'll be at school until 7 or maybe even 8 for class council making our Homecoming float and working on our skit. I also have to organize a CCC fundraiser and bowling event. Then, there are the events for the other clubs I'm in. Oh, and there's the infamous Beeken. Busy, busy, busy. November I'm going to start babysitting my friend's younger brother (her mom and my dad used to be close friends) so if I survive this month, I'll be just a tad busier starting the next. It's like I'm slowly adding on to my list of responsibilities I need to tend to. I know I can do it though.

So you know what's sad? It's my fault, I know, but still sad. I was sooooo close to getting an A in Emigh's class. I never failed any of the Odyssey quizzes, so I could never take retakes. I got B's half the time so my grade was like, an 87% or so. So then there was that one essay that made my grade go down even more. I worked so hard on my Odyssey project, and I got 330/350. Aaaaaaand thennnnnnn, I checked my grade, and it was an 89.5%. That is just SAD. SAD. SAD. SADDD. I NEEEEEED A 4.7 GPA. I NEED IT. NEED IT. -sigh- At least it's not the semester grade, so I'm fine. If I don't have a 4.7 by the end of the semester, I'm going to kill myself. I will. You watch.

PROPOSITION 8: ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE

I HATE YOU.
I HOPE YOU DIE.
I HATE CALIFORNIA.
IN THE POLLS, 61% SAY YES TO PROPOSITION 8.
I'M FURIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
MY BRAIN IS BOILING
AND TEARS ARE EVERYWHERE
I SWEAR
IM SO MAD
IM EVEN MORE DISAPPOINTED
MY GRANDPARENTS ARE VOTING YES TO IT.
I'M DOING ALL I CAN TO NOT PUNCH MY WALL.

Huh,

I honestly forgot I even posted that last blog. Sunday I couldn't go to the fair with my group because not only had my asthma gotten worse, but my fever was soaring. I stayed in bed all day - no exaggerations. I swear, I got a headache trying to watch TV so I just stared out my window or at the ceiling throughout that terribly long day. Monday my fever had calmed down, but my asthma, oh my goodness, I had an almost-attack Monday morning. I woke up at 5 a.m., when my dad was downstairs getting ready to leave and I couldn't breathe! I was breathing at a hundred times a minute and my wheezing was so loud due to the congestion in my lungs. I didn't want to tell my dad because, first off, I couldn't even TALK cause I was breathing too fast, and plus, I knew nobody could take me to the doctor's until when my uncle woke up at 7 or 8. So I spent about four hours getting asthma treatments, and I could finally breathe. I tried going to school today, and yes, my asthma certainly was behaving more than it was yesterday, but it was still bad. Oh, and my fever rose again. So I went home today, missing the mandatory class council meeting, but thank the Lord Stephanie understood.

I finished all my work for the English project today. Even my drawing for my cover. I never like to buy pre-made scrapbooks, so I bought a designer's mat to use as a frame, felt to sew in with the pages as the spine, and drew this ship for the front. I found today very useful, although I feel like I have missed so much in school. Anyway, off to start sewing the pages into the felt. Goodnight! I hope I'll be able to survive a whole day of school tomorrow. It still hurts to breathe deeply.

GOSH

I feel horrible.
When I woke up, I felt dead.
And now I feel slightly better, well enough to be able to handle tomorrow, although I'd have to handle tomorrow with a ton of tissues cause I'll be sneezing, blowing my nose, and coughing all day.
What a terrible time to get sick.
I hate this.
I want to die.
Nobody knows whats happening tomorrow.
Unorganized kids!
Ugh!!!!!!
My head hurts.

complaints as if i got it bad

I'm mad that Allex got me sick. Not mad at Allex, but that I had to be sick at THIS time, when I have so much stuff to stress about.
I'm sad that John doesn't seem to care about me being sick.
I'm terrified that tomorrow I'll be even sicker and won't be able to go to the carnival or the LA County Fair for Beeken.
I'm worried that I won't be able to go to school on Monday, when I have a CCC meeting, and Tuesday when there's a class council meeting.
I'm frustrated that I still have a few surprises to plan.
I'm furious that I still have my English Honors Project to work on.

Oh, please, kill me.

Because I'm lame and don't have a diary,

Today:
English timed essay- I'm worried that I got an even worse score than I did when I took the test the first time.
Chemistry test- I screwed up. I screwed up. I screwed up.
Beeken homework- WOOHOO!
English Honors Project- FAIL! No time :|

As if it were a big deal,

I'M PRESIDENT OF THE CULTURAL CONNECTIONS CLUB. It made my day. Haha, I like responsibility and having tasks to do and events to organize. I don't know what else to say. Currently doing Beeken homework that isn't due until Friday. Doing well on EHP, and that's all.

I decided that instead of neon green and neon blue highlights, I'm going to dye the lower layer of my hair blonde and the layer above it bright red. Shereen told me to do blue and I would love to, but I decided that if the red looks good I'll do blue later this school year.

You know how I'm supposed to finish my work for The Odyssey this Saturday? Well I kind of thought about what's going to happen, because tomorrow I have to finish Beeken homework, Friday I'll be spending time at Panera for a Beeken group meeting, and Saturday I'm going to the St. Christopher's carnival and supporting Cityscape Theatré. You should all come at 1:30 and scream and shout and whatever! Haha. No really, I'm serious! Well who cares about the project and Beeken.

iloveyou (:

ich liebe dich

oh gosh!
I don't know how, but I just totally fell more in love with Tokio Hotel today. All I did was download a few songs and I ended up spending the next hour researching on Bill Kaulitz. I mean, come on! He's so adorable! And I was so curious to find out if he was gay, so more research! Woohoo! Part of me doesn't think he's gay, as if it matters! Gah, he's so adorableee! Oh, and "ich liebe dich", which also means I love you in German, is this one song by TH that I'm sure they made when they were still called Devilish, and when Bill was still developing his voice, because he sounds like Nick Jonas! IT'S ADORABLEEEE I TELL YOU! ADORABLE.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xp-44B0kewI

Okay, well I spent most of the day, when not looking up Bill Kaulitz on Google and Youtube, on my English Honors Project. I am doing pretty well with managing the time I spend on whatever part of the project I'm working on. I'm pretty sure I can get the rough draft of my work done by this Saturday, and I'll finalize it then. Then I won't have time on Sunday to work on making the scrapbook cause I'll be at the LA County Fair for Beeken, so I have until Wednesday to get it decent looking. Anyway, I feel like doing more work. Bye now!

I'm feeling experimental

I want to do something crazy with my hair without completely killing it and increasing my chance of getting cancer.
I was thinking of doing this thing my hair stylist suggested. It's called a skunk tail or something? And like, you grab sections of hair and tie rubber bands about one inch apart from each other from the top to bottom, and you dye the parts not covered by the rubber bands. I REALLYYY want to do that with whiteee! I know my dad will let me, cause he's into crazy hair styles, but I want to do something with a bright color. My friends told me that I'm not that dark to not pull off another hair color, but no thanks. If I die my hair any lighter color, it would blend in with my complexion. Hahaha. Ugh, off to decide what to do with my hair.

Bow chicka

bow wow, that's what my baby said.
Mow mow mow, and my heart starts pumping.

Oh goodness, stupid stupid stupid Tiffany Chau got this song stuck in my head all day. Haha, i love you Tiffany. I finally searched up the correct lyrics. Bleh, so I'm so used to sleeping late now, I don't know what to do when I'm done with my homework, especially when I've finished Beeken work before midnight. I'm so happy! I have 97% in Zhou's and 105% in Beeken's!!! I was like, jumping in my seat when I went online to check it. I wish I could check my grade in Maroun's class online. My uncle doesn't believe that I'm doing well in school since I'm always "coming home late".

I've recently realized that my philosophies are all screwed up. Everything has to screw each other up. Chinese philosophy stinks. Haha, oh you have no idea how much I love Simonian's class. The ten minutes of relaxation reminds me so much of reiki- except I think reiki is waaaaaaaaay better. Anyway, I've also come to realize that I have no more self-development time. I used to spend hours lying down on my bed just thinking about the world. I have forgotten all my inner reiki techniques, and I've neglected my (non-polluting) scratch "candles". I don't read my World Wildlife Fund newsletters anymore, and dust gets sucked by my psychology books as if it were a vacuum cleaner. I don't take walks at night anymore and watch the stars beyond the city smog. I can't even see the stars beyond the city smog anymore. I haven't researched or done anything about endangered species in the longest time (poor bees). (random fact: less than 100 bighorn sheep left in the yosemite area). I've been a more sarcastic person than ever before. It disappoints me that I'm focusing on academics more than my hippie spirituality (I have no other term to call it) now.

Heartaches and more heartaches. I am a helicopter propeller. I've carried so much and now I'm going down.

Hello world!

I feel like I've become a stranger to the thing I used to obsessively spend all my time on. I guess it's a good thing though that I have better things to do than sit at this computer desk, randomly posting bulletins on Myspace and such.
So Sunday, my daddy took me to this exhibit called "Body Worlds: The Story of the Heart". It was the most sickingly amazing thing I have ever seen. They had real human parts that were donated in there all covered in plastic to be preserved. I swear, they had every single organ, and even all the blood vessels in the face perfectly intact. Oh and they had fetuses that died before being born and I started crying SO HARD, because they were put up in progressive order, and in the 9th week, they had a formed body already and I felt so bad as I kept walking down the exhibit, looking at the 20+ week old babies. Gosh, but anyway, my dad made me go so I would be exposed to the different types of medical fields I may want to take a career in, and after that exhibit, NOOOO way am I becoming an organ specialist.
Okay, so today, there was the Cultural Connection meeting when everyone had to vote for the club officers, and I was nervous like crazy before talking. I don't know why, but it always happens to me. I get nervous when publicly speaking or solo performing and then I enjoy it, but I'm still nervous while doing whatever i'm doing, until the end when I'm like, "DARN! i wish i could keep on going" Haha, I did terrible, I didn't even say I'm in four honors classes and I sing to cancer patients at City of Hope. Blah, well I just came from COH rehearsal and now I have to finish Beeken and chemistry homework. iloveyou! :)

bleh

because i love john less forever.
-john


^
|
|
|
john was there.

Civilization? Ew.

trip = fun, boring, bleh.
too much to say.
no time.
beeken homework.
toodleloo.

Farewell

Tomorrow morning, at 3 a.m., two of my aunts and my cousin and I are going on an all-girls road trip to Mammoth Lake and Mono Lake for the weekend. Normally it's just me, my aunt, and my uncle that go to Camp LaSalle every summer, but we didn't this year. And since my aunt can't live with herself without taking me on a trip during the summer at least once, we're going there for the holiday. Anyway, I'm definitely not going to be sleeping very early tonight and so I'll just wake up five minutes before my aunt comes to pick me up- just enough time to brush my teeth, tie my hair up, and carry my bags outside. Haha, I can dress up in the car when we get there. If you're wondering why in the world we would be leaving at 3 a.m., it's because we want to get there, or at least past Yosemite, by sunrise, which we totally will. So my aunt told me that the lowest temperature it's going to be over there is thirty-one degrees, on Sunday morning, so I'm gonna wear like, a million layers, and socks (!!!!!!!!).
Hahaha, okay I'm gonna take a shower, then pack, then watch Monk, then watch Psych, then sleep (or at least try to).

Goodbye for now. Arrivederci.

So...

today was good, compared to tuesday and wednesday. Beeken only assigned one homework assignment. I was terribly crushed after school because in fifth and sixth period, I spent them trying to redo my letter of reference, but I kept messing up! By the time school ended, I already wasted six pieces of paper. And then I went to the park to meet everyone else to surprise Sammy (happy birthday!!!) and it was pretty fun. To Marianna: apple juice with jello IS good, for yourrr informationnnnn. Hmmm, and then Shereen and I went back to ASB to work on student council stuff and I completely released the frustration on the garden brick wall. So then I came home and wasted THREE more sheets of paper doing that stupid Beeken letter before getting it right (finally!) And... that's it! I'm off to bed now because I haven't really been getting the sleep I need. Sogni d'oro.

schoolschoolschool

It's barely the first week of school, or more rather, first three days. I'm already worrying about how late I'm going to spend working on homework. The next Cultural Connection Club (CCC) meeting is next Tuesday, and Ashley is going to nominate me for president. And then voting starts in two or three weeks, I forgot. I really hope I win but frankly, I'm a little worried and pessimistic. I'll try my best though. :)
I really love student council workshops. They're so fun! I mean, even if I don't get in, I'm totally going to help out for each rally and stuff. Next year, I'm joining ASB too. That is, if I have time.
So besides whats happening outside of school, my classes are exceptional. Most of them are pretty easy and the teachers I like. The only class I have a problem with is Spanish 2, Ms. Mangini's. We have a substitute for three months, and she's really nice, but I HATE the class. It's all, yucky (I have no other word to use). And I wanted to switch out to Ms. Costales' 5th, but it's full. ALL the Spanish 2 classes are full. Oh well.
I just came back from workshops and I decided to post a blog before I start Beeken's homework and any other assignment just cause I know by the time I'm done with all my homework, it'll be 11 and I'd be exhausted.
And now I shall begin my student resume.

sunrise

Good morning :)
I feel like i haven't gone on the computer in the longest time, even though it's just been since Saturday. I honestly thought that it would be a little hard to stay away from it, but with all the work I've been given, it really wasn't that hard.
So yesterday was the first day of school, and it was decent. I kind of laughed at how all the EMS freshmen I know are like, in a mob, by the ASB store. And how they're like sorted into dance/drill and non-dance/drill sections. Hilarious, even.
This year I have the nicest teachers in the worldddd. And my classes are satisfying too, although I'd prefer better a better seat in Mr. Emigh's class. I'm actually thinking that Beeken, yes Beeken, may become my favorite teacher by the end of the year.

Oh, my uncle's ready to leave. Off to school I go!

pathetic.

School's starting in TWO days. 39 HOURS.... and i'm NOT prepared. AT ALL.
I haven't bought more than half of what is on my shopping list, and although many of those can wait, i NEED a bag, flats, and a straightener by monday.
It's so hard looking for a bag :3 I swear, last weekend I walked down Melrose Ave. and I couldn't find a bag that suits me. And then when I did, they cost like $100 +.
Gah, I can't work on my project cause i'm just too frustrated right now.
Toodleloo

how odd

I had another scary dream last night. I always have nightmares when I'm like, responsible for somebody's life. It started off really weird though. At first, my uncle, dad, and I were in a restaurant and my dad kept tripping on everything and he was like, like a 6 year old. He spilled everything and ate really fast and was loud and embarrassing. After that, I went to this building, like a Century City building, and went to the 25th floor and it's really random but it was a 7-11 and Monica worked there. And Cris was there too, but I think he was just hanging out with Monica. From the window I saw the traffic, and all of a sudden my uncle's car drives by and my dad's like, standing on his seat screaming out the window, "DIANA GET OUT NOW!" So I run out, and just as I get to the door, there's an earthquake, and I got hit by something that fell and I passed out. Then I wake up (in the dream), and my dad and I were putting up a screen in front of our door (and in the dream it was my real house) except my neighborhood was all pitch black and there was this mysterious man walking with his dog back and forth from one side of our house to the other on the sidewalk. I remember in the dream he wore a brown fedora that he tipped to hide his eyes and a brown trenchcoat, so he kind of looked like a character you'd find being the villian in a mystery movie. And his dog was a doberman pinscher. I think. That's the scary mean one that cops use, right? Well yeah. And after a while, he... swung the dog over his head (yes I know I have weird dreams) and threw it to our screen, and it attacked my dad. And then I used the screen to get it off but then it started coming at me, and then all of a sudden there were two of them! And so I tried to shut the door and I felt myself grow weak, so I looked back to see if my dad was alright, and before I could see if he was there or not, I woke up to the sound of the trash collectors' annoying beeping and sudden stops, etc. And then I couldn't go back to sleep.

So my Friday will consist of 12 more hours on the computer, doing my English honors project and being distracted by myspace and facebook. Goodness, I'm pathetic.

YESSS!

I DID IT! I've completed 65 quotes in all. AND... I did two of the seven entries in My Odyssey. Gosh, I'm tired. I started working on this at... 11 in the morning? Hmmm... and with all the distractions... it took me almost twelve hours. Haha, that's impressive for me.
So I started going on Facebook, and it turns out Joann made hers today too, so we kind of got addicted to it. Facebook is so confusing! Or at least it seemed that way at first.
I stood up for the first time in about six hours like about an hour and a half ago and my legs were so cramped; I seriously couldn't get my legs to go straight.
Mmm, I feel so dehydrated. And fat. This English honors project is making me forget about my exercise routine. It's too late to walk now. In the next two days, I will be sitting at this computer table for at least ten hours, working on this project. And then on Sunday I'm going to kill myself on Melrose Ave. Oh, and I'll probably tan a lot too. Woopdeedoo. -.-*

buonanotte tesoro mio (:

I can't focus!

There are so many distractions! I can't work on my English Honors Project for five whole minutes without being sidetracked. I feel so lazy, I can't motivate myself any longer. I decided to start overachieving on everything this coming school year because my study habits have just been terrible for the past year. I just never really thought it would be this hard. Okay, I did, but I thought I'd be a little more strong-willed. As I'm typing this, all these thoughts are going through my head, but I simply have no discipline. I need to work on my project. I NEED TO! And yet, here I am, still typing away my frustration. Somebody help me. Seriously.

My head hurts, that's what I know. And I'm completely stressing out over here. I told John to promise me that if I didn't finish 85 quotes by Friday, I wouldn't be able to see him on our year anniversary. So much for motivation right? I know I'll do it. I'm just expecting too much out of myself. You know, that's my problem. I push myself for something I really don't need to do, and sure that sounds like a good thing, but it doesn't even come easy to me. I'm a puppy in a relay striving to finish first place in a minute; I could have won by 15 seconds and I would have gained nothing more than I would have if I won by 5 seconds.

Off to try and complete 30 quotes. I'll write again tonight if I do finish, and if nothing comes up tonight, you'll know what a failure I am. Byeee!